TIME YOU HEAR ABOUT MY STORY ♥
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
imagine, tomorrow its Hari Raya already. yea. tyme flies. it also means 30days of fasting done. being at home today is just so so busy. with all those last minutes preparations going on. there's still fun and laughter. thats family bonding. even it's being so the 'kecoh' but its sure great. the atmosphere is felt around the air. whats more with my little siblings jumping and singing those hari raya songs. hahaa, arent they just adorable. lurve them. even when at tymes, im at my lowest, they are always there cheering me. hugs. helping mom to cook all that yum-yum dishes is sure tiring and it sure keeps making my stomach growling. *puasa, puase, sabar iRa. hahaa. going to kenduri later under the void deck. that means, im see-ing that childhood mat. heehee. *evil me. he gonna get it from me this time. ptff! bluekz.
even mom and me seems busy but we still find the tyme to get our home facial mask done. facial therapy. ooh.. i just need that. relaxation moments. hehee. my lil' sis join us too. cute huh? :) :) she too had her hand done henna-ing thanks to me. mine? i guess, i do manicuring this year. by myself as usual.. hehee.
bestie buddy Syafiq has already left Singapore to Taiwan this morning. he texted me as usual. we even manage to ask for each other forgiveness like every other years. only this tyme round, its in advance. :) hoping he have a safe trip thru and fro. will be hearing from you when you get back,141008. take good care of yourself.. Happy Raya-ing at Taiwan.
last but not least,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!
(to all my friends and whoever knows me)
' tiada pun seorang di dunia ini yang sempurna. semua tahu manusia tidak pernah lepas dari kesilapan. dari pada kesilapan lah kita dapat mempelajari sesuatu yang baru. lalu sempena hari yang mulia ini, ira ingin menyusun 10 jari dan meminta maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke kaki kepada semua jikalau adanye berlaku salah dan silap, terkasar bahasa selama persahabatan kite. semoga sekalian dapat memaafinye dengan ikhlas. oleh itu, ira berharap syawal ini akan sentiasa penuh dengan ceria. :) '
-salam ikhlas,iRa.
PS: since hari raya is tomorrow, i guess my test results will be nearing too. butterflies.
it's just the day after hari raya...
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
8:00 PM
Monday, September 29, 2008
TWO more days to HARI RAYA! yea.
i could just feel it. the songs, atmosphere is just everywhere. wohoo..
i guess im celebrating it alone again. alamak, cam tk biase gitu lak. hahaa.
went geylang with my dearest family on weekends. yohoo.. lyke finally. hahaa. now i could feel the MERIAH! but suddenly feeling restless there with all the mats and minahs there. argh! but my siblings seems excited too upon this event. happy to receive those lots green packets, wearing nw clothings etc. oh well, they been successfully fasting for a month didnt they? eventhough at first was challenging to them.
CONGRETS to my siblings.
accidentally bump onto bestie Syafiq at geylang. mom seems to be happy see-ing him. hahaa. normal. she even got the tyme to tease him. hahaa. too bad this year would be raye-ing with him during 'jalan raye' with friends. he will be off to Taiwan tomorrow. kesiannye. tu lah kate abang-abang NS. mlm-mlm raye dah takde dengan keluarge. Happy Hari Raya-ing at Taiwan. :) :)
things are so different now. everything just seems different. boy, your actions just making me hate you. maybe you know i never could. but you get me all wrong. I COULD. and maybe that whats you want and its for the best. so be it. i wont be at the losing end. we make friends all the tyme. just get your stuff out of my rooms. and i shall return your dearest necklace back. you once ask me to keep it even i insist of giving back.. now its for real. im really giving it back. even if you reject it. im not worth for it. you can give it to your dearest gf.
i may never have been the best, but i always tried to be the best for everyone.
a friend, a girlfriend, a bestfriend, a confidante and being a listening ear..
PS: about having insonmia. its worst than expected. still having it till now. darn. i need those sleep and rest for sure. didnt want to have those eyebags for the special occasion. *laalaaa.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
10:00 PM
Sunday, September 28, 2008
im tired. you, your gf or your friends may be reading this. but i dont give a damn. im no longer keep quiet for your sake.
to MS.you,
gosh! i thought everything would have settled. its already been a month pass now. my-oh-my. ONLY now then you want to get onto me. lyke wtf! ive left the situation long behind me. leaving without looking back. ive leave with no regrets of whatever thats been happen. just about one stuff, you are blaming me. there's isnt any wrong for me to call and ask him to take all his stuff back isnt it? why is he still asking me to keep it? and hey, for everything to happen it takes two hands to clap. you cant think that whatever happen is only due by myself. your dearest bf also play apart to make everything happened into reality. now you are saying, im lucky enuf that you have not been saying a word till now. hey, i think you are the one who is lucky coz' i never say a word to you about whats really been going on between me and him during those moments. what we did etc. if not, there would be more chaos. you have only been listening to his side of story, his friends etc. and not mine, now you are judging me. who is now that has to open their little eyes and see the real facts. im not saying im not a fault. i have my faults too. i admit that. but i just cant accept you only came about just to blame everything to me. im sorry that my words seems harsh and i know ive hurt you in so many ways previously. but i dont give a f***. im tired of this.
to MR.you,
i dont know what your intention are, seriously. ive already stop those feelings toward you. my feelings are numb. im moving on slowly. you threw me away from your life, like some kind of rubbish. saying you are different but i guess you are simply the same. but ive no regrets. ive accept everything that been happening. eventhough before we even start, ive already said to you, i dont want to get us into the relationship just becoz' you are pitying me. im able of coping my sorrowness with/without you. having you there beside me is good enuf. but you said you arent and sincerely loving me. remember?? okie, i take your words. but thats all lies isnt it. and when i noe, it ends, it hurts so much. i patiently heal my broken heart and im still moving on slowly. im not trying to tell the world how bad you are, i had my faults too. i noe. but i guess somehow, you need to stop all your excuses and lies to the another party. if you are brave enuf to get us into the situation. i bet you are brave enuf to face it even when you know you are at the losing end. sorry my words maybe harsh. may god bless you and your relationship with your girlfriend.
things are in a mess again. so were the situations. so were the feelings. so were the surroundings. it was inevitable. it just meant to be. and there's always reasons behind everything that happens.
life's unpredictable.. All you need is to be mentally and emotinally prepared... get that in mind.
Labels: RANDOM RANTS
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
10:50 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
i guess i'm doing good. im moving on slowly. real slow. of course my life is far away from perfect. everyone knew that. -_- and i cant lie to myself that somehow, somewhere, sometime deep in me, i still feel those pains. pains-pain-pains. ptff. know whats worst?! lately im having insonmia. argh! enuf said.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
6:00 PM
i know this is so random...
fasting month is already 3 weeks down. left 1 more week to go..
i haven't even been to geylang!!! not once this year. lame,i know....
but hadn't had the time to go, though. or purhaps no one been asking me.. ptff.
even so, i've got dates out when going 'jalan raye' with friends. wearing same colour.
haha. being cheeky. oh well. single lyfe. -_- -_- (im not the one asking for it)
but as usual darlings-darling besties frenzy wil be there for me. rite??
guess.. i'll be waiting for next weekend going with my dearest family.
yes... i'm already hearing deng dengs and geylang. hahaha!
it is still gonna be the same old, same old like it was,huh?
oh wells. still, it's always a must. make everything more MERIAH!!..
what's been happening....i haven't even been to geylang!!! not once this year. lame,i know....
but hadn't had the time to go, though. or purhaps no one been asking me.. ptff.
even so, i've got dates out when going 'jalan raye' with friends. wearing same colour.
haha. being cheeky. oh well. single lyfe. -_- -_- (im not the one asking for it)
but as usual darlings-darling besties frenzy wil be there for me. rite??
guess.. i'll be waiting for next weekend going with my dearest family.
yes... i'm already hearing deng dengs and geylang. hahaha!
it is still gonna be the same old, same old like it was,huh?
oh wells. still, it's always a must. make everything more MERIAH!!..
(i'll keep everything short)
wednesday (170908)
went back to school for aquaculture meeting. meeting was as always draggy. haha. nothing more to expect. everything seems lyke always. except that i got a msg from one of my members saying that i was pretty that day after everything. huh? i was just wearing the club tee. duh! *roll eyes. and know what?! DIVING TRIP WAS CANCEL. due to some dangerous currents etc. so the school was afraid and withdraw from the activity. at 1st i was lyke WTF! ive plan out my months schedules and now after cancelling im totally free lah. some of us were pretty mad. especially my so-called 'bro',Aidil. chill alrite. its scary to see you that way bro. planned on finding a job but too lazy. whats more to expect. guess i'll be home helping mom with those cookies as well as being a part tyme child care assistance sending and fetching my lil' siblings from school. haahaa.
that also means i've got tyme to celebrate HARI RAYE!! yeah! im just into the mood. but thinking back. erm, i guess i will be more worried for my results. rumours been spread that maybe results will be out on the 2nd day of hari raye. wah! what a luck! ptff.
thursday (180908)that also means i've got tyme to celebrate HARI RAYE!! yeah! im just into the mood. but thinking back. erm, i guess i will be more worried for my results. rumours been spread that maybe results will be out on the 2nd day of hari raye. wah! what a luck! ptff.
planned to berak-fast with my darlings frenzy. Audi, Hasif, Farah & Wati. meet up 5pm at lakeside mrt platform and proceed on to Vivo. had our break-fast, watch movie titled: MiRROR, window shopping, chills and home. movie was scary but it was a really nice show. everyone should watch it. at a point of tyme, i accidentally bite onto Audi's arm. sorie bro. so the scary lah. but he didnt mind though. hahaa. instead he lykes it when i squeeze onto him. and thanks for the jacket too. its lovely. appreciate it. nice choice. i wore it right away when he gave it to me. hehee. lots of sun, laughter going on. really enjoy the day. went home at 11.45pm.
(pictures enjoy..)
+us+01-viv0+(180908)edit.jpg)
monday(220908)
i gave a new shade of colour and length to my hair today. smile-smile. totally lurving it. a combination of brown. base- dark brown with blonde highlight. :) thanks to someone. maceh. maceh byk2 kay. length is getting so long and its hot, so i've decided to give it a cut. but not too short. obviously.. you know me. now im feeling free. hahaa.. guess i'll be having my new look for this HARI RAYA season. :) :)
hmm... about school, erm, lets give it a try. see if its acceptable. i guess it is. i think so. but most prob, not. if its really not, haish. tak serik-serik iRa. haha...
PS: NOT FORGETTING...
hope you guys have a fruitful lyfe ahead and a wonderful day. takecare. :)
hmm... about school, erm, lets give it a try. see if its acceptable. i guess it is. i think so. but most prob, not. if its really not, haish. tak serik-serik iRa. haha...
PS: NOT FORGETTING...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BELATED TO SURITNO, ADVANCE TO exbeau ASNOR, ADVANCE-ADVANCE TO exbeau FADHLI & ADVANCE-ADVANCE-ADVANCE TO exbeau HADI!!hope you guys have a fruitful lyfe ahead and a wonderful day. takecare. :)
BTW im addicted to this song now...
all thanks to huda.. hahaa. :)
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
5:00 PM
Monday, September 22, 2008
the 22ND...
THATS WHEN EVERYTHING ENDS...
all shattered to pieces.
just missing those moments.
THATS WHEN EVERYTHING ENDS...
all shattered to pieces.
just missing those moments.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
1:00 AM
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
all things happen for a reason.. but time together will tell the differences later. eventhough time doesn't always heal. it just breathes and swallows memories.
there are some things which you just can't let go of. like love, friendships and things that tied you down. and of course, for me, it has always been hard. no matter how i tried, it all came down to a simple thing. which is why, it explains that i'm in a mess.
i just wish i could run away from this life. reality.
coz' there comes a time in your life, where you feel like giving up. and in mine, that is this time. where i could feel nothing but pain. a pain that i guess will be there for years, been bruised again and again. even when ive numb those feelings. it's time i really let myself find the pain and let go of it completely, slowly...
all becoz' i had enuff of being empty, empty, empty and real emptiness. that's what i felt, now.
oh, thanks to you...
it's never easy to get away from the past. we'll end up always find ourselves reminisce so much about it. i miss those times where i had a REAL life. but we had our moments. and thats enuff. i just want to be my own-self now. coz' what you have seen now is just not me. i WANT MY LIFE!!
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
6:00 PM
Monday, September 15, 2008
Gee.. PMS sucks. its already 2+pm then you come. ptff. without cramps, without signals... then suddenly just pufft! ive been fasting for the pass 8hrs lyke for nothing. why couldnt you just come earlier. let me eat earlier lah.. or better still come after break-fast. no point whining. its already here. mom just smile and laugh at me knowing that i've surrender. ptff. ptff. -__-
i guess i'll miss terawih this week. taking care of those kids. hahaa.
on the otherhand, i guess i could skip 'sahur'. yahoo! that means more sleeping hours. *lalaaa.
sigh-sigh-sigh!! started making 'kuih' already. people's orders, ours, granny's. ptff! lots... need to give a hand to my mom a little. i guess.
ppiiisst... know what? got to know that frenzy Audi bought me a trendy jacket when he's off shopping at Malaysia last weekend. haha. 'org gi saner beli baje raye dier sibuk beli lain lak.' haahaa. thanks buddy. i did say you dont need to buy me anything but you still did. lyke you said, if there's anything attracts to your eyes, you will buy for me. thanks lots. appreciate-appreciate-appreciate it lots. syg kamu. next tyme dont kay. i dont know when i will have the tyme to buy for you anything if i went overseas. grinn.
i just hate this feeling..
i miss you terribly, if only you knew.
every once in a while, i still shed my tears.
even though its so different now, but i still felt you right here.
im just missing you... just missing. no other feeling. i've numb that.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
10:00 PM
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there, are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength, to just let go...
a'aahh!! how i wish my weekend could be longer or even better simply everyday would be a weekend.. *hahaa. coz' im finally out. lyke FINALLY!!
saturday- in the morning, im just pissed. my hp kept ringing while im still asleep. argh! why cant they just give peace when im sleeping. *ptff. force myself to wake up with 4 msges and 3 miss calls. after replying and answering back to them, i bought myself to sleep. imagine that! guess what, i woke up at 2pm. siak, tdo tak ingat dunia, bukan nye nak bangun. ptff. then evening, ive been out to meet my darlink Sasha and Umar. guess where? to the mosque. cute or what? hahaa. this is for real, kay. no jokes. went to mosque at Bishan for some youth thingy. everything start around 5pm. so we obviously must reach earlier that rite? the youth thingy was alrite. not bad. interesting though. what's great i've learnt somethings new too. *laalaa. then waited for break-fast and pray plus terawih. imagine, jurong gurl went all the way to Bishan. hahaa. lyke people always said, 'if you got the will, there's a way.' :) but there's one thing that i think i dislyke. kat masjid pun ader jgk mats nk kacau. not only to me but Sasha too,kay. im also not that pretty. lyke all of the other places. why? argh! ptff. ignore that. terawih with Sasha was great. there's a more young and lively atmosphere, you know. at least this tyme i go terawih with friends of my age. rather than always with my mom and her cliques. hahaa. i'll get lazy too. :x
sunday- going out with darlink bestie Alif later to break-fast. lyke finally able to meet him. hahaa. initial plan was to go break fast, go window shopping or watch movie. but it totally depends on later.
(added)
plan was plan. one of his friends 'pai-tau' us. nice one. hahaa. then we ended up breaking-fast at his house with mama coz' its kinda late already. afraid there wont be any space. safe resort to his house.. 'mama' was surprise to see me. its been a long tyme. i just smile. 'mama' said that ive gone thinner and prettier. i blush. 'mama' asked me to maintain this way. i looks perfect, she dont want me to gain or loose anymore weight. hahaa. i blush even even more. shy lah babe. all Alif did was to look at me with his grin. alamak. where to hide my face... malunye... in my mind was lyke.. 'i have?' to me im practically normal, what's more to my own mom: she's been saying, 'ive gone fat'. thanks ar mom. ptff.. hahaa. after break-fast, went window shopping then off to watch movie. 4bia. lyke finally i manage to watch it. nice show,scary but im always 'terperanjat'. lyke one baby. ptff. my day was great. went home at 11.45pm. thanks for everything darlink bestie Alif, sayang kamu. :) :)
** my darlink friends, dont get things wrong. im no longer dwelling about whatever happen. furthermore, i've accepted the fact everything happen. at the previous post, i just seems to miss coz' maybe of the date (120908). its exactly two months after my bday. the celebration is just so priceless. for this, these dates (10th, 12th, 21th) will be the most memoriable. take note. hahaa. lyke you will definately miss certain dates in your life didnt you? well, i had mine too. lyke i've always said, im moving on slowly. :)
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
4:10 PM
Friday, September 12, 2008
my holiday couldnt be anymore better..
BOORRRIINNGG!!! just being at home.
the comp just being so boring these days...
there i was, moving on slowly.. when i know for the fact that you never needed me anymore. really. no doubts. now ive no longer cry, no longer hoping. moving on and will not turn back. wont turn back! lesson learnt. but i still do care and misses you coz' you will always be my friend. my good friend. and friend will always care for each other rite? even you said that. missing will just be at random. *laalaa. but sometimes, whenever i see you, there's this incredible sense of happiness that i felt that i couldn't feel with anyone else. *sigh! slap myself, enuff eh! but on the other hand, sometimes i just felt lyke giving you a tight slap for everything. *argh! i guess, somethings about you just makes me cant forget about you. thats
SAY HELLO TO SINGLEHOOD LYFE!! :) :)
[even you once said to me, now its not the tyme for me to be in a relationship.
not that you didnt want to see, but you think, i just need the tyme alone. ptff!]
*im agree-ing to it.. even you dont say, i noe it.
I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!
i donno why? ive succeed to forget about you for awhile but somehow, i just misses you today. even how hard i say to myself, i just dont want to. but i still misses you. *argh! looking those pictures, those moments. if i could, i just want to repeat those days. especially on 120708, my birthday. it really means alot. especially those sacrifices that you made. -_-
i dont only miss you. i miss your eyes. i miss your lips. i miss your hugs. i miss your mischievous act cum tease whenever you are with me. i miss your boxers. i miss the night with you. i miss calling you 'B'. i miss you calling me 'Dear', "Baby'. i miss your voice. i miss simply everything. including those moments with you.
i dont care if anybody out there reads this.
read if you wanna read, if not leave.
i just miss my exboyfr, got a problem with that!
he was ONCE mine too,kay.
eeeew.. i sound like a BITCH WITH A CAPITAL 'C'. ptff!
PS: didnt know what thunder strike my mom suddenly asking about you. asking when will you be breaking fast at my house.. yea. maybe usually since we known each other you have been breaking fast at my house except this year. so, i just shuts and smile. hoping my mom gets it.. -_-
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
8:00 PM
Thursday, September 11, 2008
i did. i did stand for my rights this time. its my blog and i can say whatever i wanna say. believing or not its up to individual. i dont owe anyone to it. shockily, you texted me in the middle of the nite just for a favour? in the first place i dont know why, seeing your name appearing on my hp screen making me feel 'best' gitu. even its in the wee morning hours. but everything was just for a favour. ptff! SORIE this time, i cant grant your favour. maybe other favours, i may still consider. but THIS! oops. its just too ridiculous and superly fake! come on -lah, its fasting month, i cant simply lie for you. i didnt want to get my points cut, if you want to, thats your own business. furthermore if i do help (which i know i WONT. fullstop.), what do i get if i lie at my own blog. lying to myself regarding everything. hey, think again. everything would be so contradicting if i do that. what would my readers think of me. erm, any way, since when you ever think of me. its always been you in your dictionary, rite? i have feelings too, you know. im not being rude here. but you yourself knows it. you got yourself into lies, now you are out of excuses.. i guess this time, you gotta find a way out yourself. excluding me. enuff said.
(PS: since when you call me by name- 'irah', even we are friends before everything happen, you didnt call me by name. it would be either 'bestie', 'dear' etc. in those messages. oh, guess, i need to realise, somethings just have to change. ptff.)
(PPS: remember once you asked me to be decisive. im building that up now. now, im making my own decision. -_-)
i didnt went clubbing yesterday. got my reasons. furthermore, even if i did, it would be so the rushing. i need to be home by 'sahur', you know. *ptff. so much rush = no fun. decided to skip it. *hahaa. even its ladies nite :( bestie alif promise to bring me there another day. promise,kay.. i need not worry so much. he always keep his promise. rite bestie?.. *hehee. i'll be waiting for that day. glad you had fun at zouk. hmph! update me!!
darlink bestie syafiq is online today. weird but true. coz' usually this time, he would be busy werking. biase lah, NS army katekan. hahaa. he's online coz' he's on MC. alah, kecian sakit ye. duduk umah diam-diam. aru alik hospital agi. take a good rest alrite. dont work yourself so hard. chat with him online. guess he wont be celebrating Hari Raya in Spore. oh.. sad-sad. guess where will he be heading. TAIWAN! babe. imagine going there at these session. lyke he said, he's not there to njoy but to werk. even so, you get to feel the atmosphere there. remember to bring your favourite kuih makmur there alrite. dont sedih2. hope you will be back in town before our batch go out raye together. its been awhile since i've last met you. raye will do the trick rite?
** after knowing im back single. some of my darlink dearest guys friends that 'could consider-been waiting' did came approaching asking if they would make up a pair. hey, im just being single here. lyke duh! its only been a month. i've not even over with everything that i've been facing. i need the tyme to be my myself, move on, settle down etc. furthermore, being with someone doesnt totally mean i will get thru' this within a snap. till now, i will be lying if i dont care about him, not feeling hurt and totally move on. its NEVER been easy. guys may do it that way. but its a total 'NO' to girls. what you guys see are just on the outside. deep, i, myself only knew. no need to explain it to anyone. eyes could lie didnt they? i noe your intentions was nice. wanting me to be happy, joyful and bubbly once again. but i wont be the cheap girl to grap any new guy who passes by my life. i dont need a guy for now. just let things be. having you guys there being with me, go thru' with me is good enuff. sorie ive rejected. hoping you would understand?
im glad things were per normal even after this. you are still being yourself by msging/ caling me. but only yourself knew what you are feeling now. sorie.
i'll shall be having nasi ayam penyet today. mummy and my style. -_-
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
4:30 PM
i came across reading this at my friend-friend-friend's blog..
her friend recommended this to her and i found it interesting..
so saye pinjam ye.. :) :) :)
happy reading..
"Are girls really troublesome? Or boys can't treat them right? Screw them? Elaborate"
Screw boys. Screw men. What do they know about us? Nothing. Most of them Singaporean mats are lousy cheapskates. What I mean is, they always want the low-maintenance girlfriend. One that's easy to please. The type that would blindly do anything for their boyfriends. Pfft!
Eventually, when the girl gets tired and bored of the treatment, they ask for something different. And these mats, what do they do? IGNORE. Then the girls start to pester. What do they do? Scream at the girlfriends. Tell them that they are annoying, possesive, childish, etc. instead of finding pleasant solutions to shut their trap. That's why relationships don't last.
Girls aren't troublesome. They just deserve tender, love and care. That's just it. They don't need negligence and emotional, mental & physical abuse from boyfriends to add on to their family problem. The trouble with Malay guys in Singapore is that they're egoistic and ignorant. They think they're so mature and all. Like abang-abang like that la. Worse, there are those who beat their girlfriends into a pulp.
Girls appear troublesome because guys don't treat them right. Yeah!
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
2:30 PM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
surprisingly, you text. upon this memoriable date saying you remember this date. saying you did all these coz' you dont want to see me cry again. saying you know what im going thru'. saying you will be there always for me. saying you want to see me happy again. saying you do miss me. especially those moments we shared...
WHY-WHY-WHY?? i simply dont get you? at a moment of tyme you say all these nice words to me, on the other hand, you let me go with all those silents? do you really mean what you said? or you are just saying for the sake of saying? how could you treasure it when you dont even treasure me? *ptff. do you really think by doing all this will make me stop crying? make me smile once again? *ptff. no. totally no. instead i cry more than what i did when everything happen. but dont worry even i did, i wont cry infront of you anymore. thankGOD now, i seldom coz' my tears had dried for you. i force myself hard to numb those feeling for you. i just had enuff of crying. enuff whining. enuff dwelling. enuff. get it! smiles? what you've seen is only on the outside. deep in me, ONLY GOD and myself knew what ive been thru'. how i fight those moments and what i really feel. now, im moving forward a step at a tyme.
i dont know what im feeling.
despite everything happen, you are still my friend,kay.
my GOOD friend.
and i dont want to make you my enemy.
i simply cant and you know it.
(but do me a favour, dont give me any of your hopes. coz' i may fall for it.)
i need to move on. im half way thru'.
darlink bestie ALIF has his POP today. yea! congrets. sorie-sorie-sorie i cant attend your function. but im glad you ask me out. guess where? clubbing.. hahaa. he promise to bring me there one day. biase lah cant go alone can,i? if i do, i get slap from darlink bestie alif, exbeau asnor and frenzy audi. hahaa. amazingly, the triple 'A'. i dont know if you do/dont care where im going. sorie. but then thinking,its still on pending, ive not decided to go or not. its fasting month you see. but i do want to enjoy your POP nite with you and your friends. hahaa. see how,kay bestie. lots of things to consider lah. :)
accompany my mom from woodlands to bukit gombak to jurong east then back home. and know what while waiting for the bus at bukit gombak, there's this muscle builder mat sitting next to me(other than my mom lah) looking and staring at me. lyke so the obvious, you already sit beside me, no need to look at me that way lah. *wah piang. mom keep nudging at me. i know. i know. and what's interesting, when the bus arrived he said 'bye' to me infront of my mom and smile. haha. shocking but cool. he is kinda good looking too. bla-bla-bla. mentel-mentel. haha.
** will be having bone steak during break fast today! yum-yum...
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
6:10 PM
i noe its 12.30am and im still blogging. suddenly i just have the urge to do so. things had been alrite so far. i guess. im still hanging on. still breathing. still kicking. still me. yea! i admit things has never been easy.
and know what's more interesting..
EXAMINATIONS ARE OVER!!! yea! lyke finally. thank GOD. no more fighting over those lethargic feelings. no more migranes. that also means no more migrane pills. *hahaa. im finally done! no comments about the paper. but it was managable. :) will just hoping the results will be fine later. *cross finger. praying hard. i guess, i'll be worried for my results for now.. *ptff. -_-
today the 10th will be the most memoriable day of my life. coz' today will be the declared date of
i'll be lying if i said i dont miss him. to say im not hurt anymore. to say im done hoping. coz' i still am. but each day, im getting stronger. i'll move on with life and perished those moments. i had enuff saying sorry and to think of others before me. thinking of what they might feel while they dont even think about me. now its tyme for me to think about myself. coz' its my lyfe. i dont owe anyone for it. understand. dont blame me if my side of truth is out. i just cant let people to think differently of me anymore. thinking again, maybe not here. have learnt lots from my gfs, bfs and those who've been there for me. im not going to blame everything on him. i had faults too. i know that. but keep things in mind, for anything to happen- it needs two hands to clap. im surprise that i didnt shed much tears any longer but i cant deny, in me im still loving him. and he knows it. im moving on slowly...
enuff said. my weekends.
talking about weekends. im just home. fighting with those lethargic feelings whenever it comes to studying. it just make me sick. thank GOD now i no longer need to do that. *hahaa. its over!!
sunday- 'rewang' with my family under the void deck. as usual since its Ramadhan, the community around my area usually cooked porridge for the neighbours. everyone is able to take it for free. *lalaa. we have our own malay community. my dad was one of them since we are also one of the longest resident here. it helps to make bonds amoung the other neighbours. despite the new or the old-ies. it was fun to see us working together. see how much ive grown with all the other kids since we've grown up together. it reminds me of those old tymes during those kampung days. *hahaa. nevertheless, despite helping, was also being tease with this mat(sorielah if you read this-*bluekz). he always did whenever we met. never didnt. since young. since we've grown up together. hmph! even some 'makcik(s)' tease saying me and him will be together. huh? lyke wth! never. it wont lah. things never go right whenever we met each other what's more being together. ptff! push those bad luck away. touch wood.. touch wood! and guess what? all he did was stand there and smile, nodding. wth!! me? stand there, giving him that one kind look then walk away after listening to what the makcik(s) have to say. darn. what a day. even so, i had free ride on his bike. *wohoo.. miss biking. padahal baru je tau,ira. -_- just lurve SP lah. all these while i've been taking SP too. all tyme favourite. lalaaa. ADK!, cpt ambik license! leh bwk kak rounding. he offered when he overheard my mom asking me to sent some porridge to my grandma house. he offered, so why not rite? childhood friend,kay? *grin. mentel ira eh? hahaa.
monday- a day before examination. woo~ i could feel the pressure. im just home. mugging. not 100% totally but at least i did. hahaa. effort tau. mostly, just watching tv-lah. hahaa. being lazy. darn. hate it but what to do? *sigh. evening came, help mom at the kitchen cooking 'roti kirai'. yea! my all tyme favourite.except for helping and making it under the hot environment. ptff. recently, just got the erge to help out in the kitchen. hahaa. shocking but true. :) :)P.S: know what? my younger sibling, Harun Azfar, 5yrs old manage to fast full day today. yea! congrets. akak bangge ngan adk tau. puase agi nanti lau de rezeki akak upah lebih,kay. syg dier. mwah!
tuesday(yesterday)- one of my 'lepak-ing' member grandma past away today. 'innalillahirajiun.' i didnt manage to 'melawat' since im on the way school for my examination. but i did sent my regards. insyaallah, i will attend the 'tahlil' alrite. you just be strong. accept it with open hearts. ader berkatnye dier pergi pada bulan puase ni,kay. one's who live must eventually go one day. cheh! look who's talking?? *hahaa.
apparently, despite those wisdom the stranger gave to me. the stranger herself is in my shoes. feeling so lost, so demoralised, so unwanted. hope my words gives her motivation. stay strong alrite. lyke you've said. we are strong gurls remember? lyke you and i knew, it will never be easy.
NOT FORGETTING, bestie ALIF will be having his POP today. yeah! someone has grown into a man seh. sorie cant attend your function.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
12:30 AM
Saturday, September 06, 2008
a new chapter of life begins. without you.
had enuff. everything just have to stop. im sick and tired. i hate being lyke this. i felt so weak, felt so useless, felt so pathetic. lots of my dearest friends said its not worth it. i know. i know. even so it just seems so hard. why am i only the one who is feeling the impact? why am i still loving you? why am i still hanging on? darn! im not going to be that weak gurl that you know before. im gonna be strong and gonna face things with the right mind and truely move on. at tymes i just wonder how you could carry on with life. while im here wishing i could just take the memories, packed them and throw it away without looking back anymore. my heart still feel the pain but im letting it go slowly day by day. im pretty much hanging on. friends around have been telling me to be strong. you have succeed in ignoring me asking me to move on with my life indirectly and now im partly there. avoiding my phone does help but i cant do that totally coz' my phone never been quiet. coz' out there somewhere, somehow my friends do cares about me. so last resort, playing pretend is the best eventhough it means deceiving myself. but i've got no other choice do i? coz' whenever the phone rings, i've always hope its you. but wth! it never came true. your silents had me realise and now i no longer hope. when it rings, i kept saying to myself is just a friend asking how am i doing?, asking me out, wanting to see my smiles. and even when it's really you who did msg/call me at tymes, i cant lie, i'll surely get excited but at least its the first step of moving forward. im no longer that excited as i used to be last tyme. trust me, i know this fading smile will be gone soon. i kinda stopped shedding those tears (as least it's not all the tyme as before) coz' i've numb those feelings. im now starting to accept that you are only just a friend.
school had been alrite so far. i guess. at least im able to cope with my studies. except for the concentration part now. argh!gee. my last three class test results has been release. i pass both for BCT and AC2 quite alrite except MLP. as suspected my MLP will be that way. *sian.. proud of my AC2 combination results, hoping BCT will be the same. *praying hard it does. at least im able of coping it 'during the process' and i hope i could too when im facing it now. i know the situation is so much different and harder but i must still try dont i? i just need you to be out of my head whenever im studying. before i could really absorb all those facts. examination coming soon ira. *piang eh.ka-boomm...
cooked 'buke' for family on thursday,alrite? shocking?? but true. *hahaa. thanks to mum's help too. *maceh ibusayang. surprisingly, she let me use the whole kitchen but too bad i need her. cooked beef steak. yum-yum.
-_- ive been having craving to eat that and finally did. just got the feeling of going to the kitchen. that's why. *rajin kn? had fun cooking. its been such awhile. been a lazy girl that why. there's sure lots of fun, kecoh etc.. *hahaa.talking about fasting month, alhamdulillah my younger sibling manage to fast full day. congrets! despite the bribing part where if they fast, they will get 'ka-ching' from me and ibusyang. but still go girl power!! yeah! wani (my younger sis') manage to fullfill all the days till now while haziq (younger bro') has skipped two days. *hahaa.
had photo-taking at 8.30am on friday. imagine wearing labcoat too plus its so early in the morning-lah, my face still in the sleepy mood. *aiyo. so the tak glamor. ptff! as usual, position wise-i need to sit beside my dearest CA. *center attraction. haahaa. just lyke old secondary school tymes. wonder-wonder-wonder how the picture will turn out lyke?? -_- -_-
just being at home on saturday. even there's some friends who offered me to break-fast outside but i decline. i just didnt have the mood. donno why, dont ask. besides my mind still think im not ready for my exams. i still need to cheong. even though at tyme i feel sick looking at the same facts over and over again. *sian. i just didnt want boredom to take over this mind. how-how-how on earth am i suppose to study now, every time i did look at those notes, i get so lethargic. felt as if somethings have been missing,empty. *argh! enuff said.
life couldnt be any more mysterious and unsuspected, some how other than my friends, who's always being there. im being motivated by a stranger. who i think i know but prefered to be anonymous. i may not know what's your motive but i appreciate all those words. thanks.
im healing a broken heart.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
5:00 PM
Thursday, September 04, 2008
its 2am in the morning. and im still awake. shockingly. supposingly to be asleep after mugging. but maybe i guess not. just having this tiny feeling mood to blog. oh well. misses blogging and my midnites owl friends. hahaa..
talking about mugging, i did finally study. memorising was hard without my real hard disk. you know who. lyke what i said, your promises are just simply lies. i cant be there waiting and let the time pass. there's no tyme to waste, i still need to get started studying somehow. and i surely did. all topics down. im only left to really memories some real facts that really needs to be drilled in the head. *wah piang eh- wonder how many more facts my mind need to take..**smackhead.
besides, mom was shocked to see i really study. what's more to see im studying early?? hahaa. coz' i always did last minute work. 2-3days before the exams?? haahaa. my previous class test really shows me how i should be studying. keeping it that way, i think i should be able to breeze thru'. not totally but at least partly. *sigh. -_-
life goes on.. ♥
im sure feeling the pressure alrite. after all those tragedy i'm going thru' and how im facing things. *ptff! i just had enuf. enuf actually enduring to all your nonsense. and i cant handle that. instead you are making things worst than before. you only think of yourself first than anyone else. you are just too selfish. *haish, enuf said. ONLY some of us will know the real reasons to everything thats been happening. you can keep on lying and running away from facts. but till when? i still believe in Karma and Intuition. coz' it never goes wrong. (well,i had mine) thank you for hugging me and wiping away all my tears. thank you for telling me you love me. thank you for walking away,leaving me. thank you for knocking some common sense into my head. thank you for being a part of me. i appreciate everything that you have done for me. now, all i want is to pray for forgiveness, pray for your health, pray for your happines with another. i believe there's angels out there taking good care of you. i dont know if you'll read this anymore but this heart is willing to let go but only the tyme will decide.
thanks for making me the bad guy...
(PS: i've no intention on having any grudges on anyone regarding above.if you are being hurt, then accept my forgiveness. lyke i said,its my blog and it's my say. accept it.)
despite everything said.. i cant deny that after all those playing pretend, all i see is still you. im shattered but still i didnt cry. i managed to hold back my tears, telling myself to be strong. coz' i'll be happy whenever you are. i noe at tymes i do texted you but there's no response. called but you refused to pick up. i know you are ignoring me coz' you want me to move on with my life. (eventhough initially, you are the one that ask me not to run away from you. but now its the opposite.) oh well. congrets! you've succeed. what you said are just words, even you've made me trust towards it. now, you made that feeling fade.
its gonna be hard but i'll pull through. im half way there now.
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
2:45 AM
Monday, September 01, 2008
i clearly know that im suppose to be mugging now. but WTH! im stuck here blogging. well, what more can i say. the computer is fairly more addicted to those lecture notes. haha. hopefully, after letting out certain things in mind would make myself more enthu' to study and able to concentrate. *ptff! NOT forgetting, chocolate as my motivation. yea, im motivated somehow..*ptff..
**i dont know why. but every single day is just hard to let my mind off you. i know i shouldn't have but its just the mind. gosh! even its not the whole day 247hrs but there will still be each day. it just seems so hard. arrgghh!! everyday, i have to put out a brave front showing that i've moved on well, enjoying my singlehood now, being happy etc.. but WTH! the fact is im still not. deep in me, everything is still back to you. ive tried cursing myself when my minds with you, tried enjoying myself with my darlings friends but im still..never!! everytime when i reach home, it's you. its lyke so auto, i tend to report my strength to you but each tyme after i wrote, i will delete it myself and not to sent. kept hoping you would msg/call someday. argh! darn. why am i facing this when i know its all fantasy.*smack head. ka-boommmm! playing pretending isnt easy.im really having a real hard tyme here. how i wish you could really see what im facing and really see those tears rolling from the eyes.'lyke people used to say, the real pain is what going thru' inside than the outside.' above all, im not blaming anyone and im not regreting things im going thru' coz i noe everthing happen for a real reason. trying to be a strong girl. :)
enuf of whining.. back to reality..
two class test down. now im left with my ONLY final examination. which happen to fall on 9sept'. argh!! 7days of count down...to ka-booom!
(really need to really 'cheong' studying,to me-im still not prepared yet.)
updates throughout the week..
26/08/08- as usual, school ends early since most of the module is done. *lalaalaa. decided to just rounding at Jurong Point since there's still lots of tyme to spare. i just hate to be home so early lah. it's just not me. while window-ing shopping had a sudden msg from my friend, Audi asking if im free to 'lepak' with them (Hasif & Farah). since im super free, i join them. he fetched me at the interchange and proceed on to the place. off eat at Macdonals, played few rounds of pool, chill, chats, laughter, did read thru' my notes *hahaa. hardworking rite?i really did. then off home at 9pm while others later. you guys just create that smile on me. thanks.
27/08/08- home early again. this time i have no plans,decided to go home straight from school. *being a good gurl. hahaa. in the later afternoon, mom suddenly asked whether want to go shopping at Jurong Point. she was also bored being at home all the time. so i agree to accompany. went NTUC bought some groceries, bought herself and myself a new shoe and had lunch cum dinner at Long John Silver before headed home. :) :) what a mummy and daughter day-out.
28/08/08- went school just for the RSAF open house thingy. after open house, went back to school for some diving meeting. talking about diving, its confirm that im going to dive at Indonesian sea for 9days. yipee! thanks for my parents for supporting me. will be going by flight to Bali on the 4oct' and sail thru' the 9 days back to S'pore. its sure gonna be interesting. had briefing from Mr Oliver and some documents to sign.
29/08/08- yeah! the day had came. its 'NGOMS' day out. that what we called ourselves (my secondary school darlinks- Mazni, Diyana, Fazeila). its really been some time since we met each other since we were being posted differently after sceondary school lyfe. really miss them lots. meet up during dinner at Causeway Seoul Garden since i've to attend some diving equiptment checking for myself earlier. really glad to meet them. had our dinner and long-long chats. talking about what's been going on each other lyfes, latest gossips updates, simply everything that we could really talk about etc.. those laugh, smile, crazy moments. gosh! really could see how each of us really change. from those tymes till now. its just so hard to explain how interesting the day was. i just miss those secondary moments with them. imy babes. reached home nearly 11pm. :)
(pictures to enjoy)
30/08/08- meet up with my 'mat rempit'. its really been awhile since last met. busy-busy..what more to expect. *hahaa. since i've got no plans and he offered me out. why not rite? friends.. he fetched me at 10.30am under my void deck and off rounding around s'pore. meet the others too. chill, chats, enjoy whats going on in lyfe. had lunch then he dropped me off at Harbourfront since i'm meeting my other diver's heros. supposing to meet Mazni after that but due to some occasion, not. so decided maybe i should just go home after everything done. meet my diver's heros (Mr Oliver, Aidil & Ben) at the control station before proceed on to our destination-Sentosa Cove. that's the place where we will be at arriving after diving. gosh! being with them was just fun as well as irritating. what im irritated most was they kept saying that i'm just lyke one of those 'tai-tai' rich gurl with 2 bodyguard and a photographer. just bcoz' of the way i dress. *'wah-piang.' everything do take some tyme, suddenly my 'mat rempit'. msg and asked whether im done. i was lyke 'huh' thought he went off with the other. but instead he still waits and didnt join the rest. after everything, i went back to the place where he dropped me. asking where were we going next. he replies back 'anywhere, will not be joining the rest'. i was lyke 'okie..' he brought me to Secret Recepie for our dinner then off to watch the opening Ramadhan lighting and chill at Esplanande. those laugh, chats and crazyness all the way. sent me back home around 10pm.
PS: still remember him saying this-'glad to see i've change but always pretty and cute in my own way. changing those ways of mine but my real identity remains. *he smile and touch my nose with that cute smile.' *hahaa. what a day :)
01/09/08- yeah! fasting month here. its the month of pure-ness.
to all my muslim friends.. SELAMAT BERPUASE!
to whoever been reading my blog.(you know yourself)
*you- this is my blog. i have my own rights to write whatever that been going thru' in my lyfe. if you are not happy with it and think that whatver i wrote here are lies, that's your own preception. i dont have to make up stories to ruin/crush somebody life. it's base on what i've been going thru' and what i really think and feels. its really up to you to really believe who is at the right state. i dont keep grauges to anyone. i face the fact that whatever that im going thru'. if you can't take it, then leave. i dont need readers lyke you.
*you- doesnt mean i kept shut of things, you can have it in your own way. im allowing you to have your tyme to really think what's best. dont wait till the other party to really come after me cursing me hell. if that were really to happen, then i guess i'll have to stand on my rights. i will not just sit there to hear and see my dignity falls. patience to have its own limits. furthermore, you have to face the real fact..
PS: to whoever that need clarification on stuff(s), you can just message/call me directly. dont have to tag and at the same tyme 'bringing another party that knows the matter' to answer the questions for you..
**i dont know why. but every single day is just hard to let my mind off you. i know i shouldn't have but its just the mind. gosh! even its not the whole day 247hrs but there will still be each day. it just seems so hard. arrgghh!! everyday, i have to put out a brave front showing that i've moved on well, enjoying my singlehood now, being happy etc.. but WTH! the fact is im still not. deep in me, everything is still back to you. ive tried cursing myself when my minds with you, tried enjoying myself with my darlings friends but im still..never!! everytime when i reach home, it's you. its lyke so auto, i tend to report my strength to you but each tyme after i wrote, i will delete it myself and not to sent. kept hoping you would msg/call someday. argh! darn. why am i facing this when i know its all fantasy.*smack head. ka-boommmm! playing pretending isnt easy.im really having a real hard tyme here. how i wish you could really see what im facing and really see those tears rolling from the eyes.'lyke people used to say, the real pain is what going thru' inside than the outside.' above all, im not blaming anyone and im not regreting things im going thru' coz i noe everthing happen for a real reason. trying to be a strong girl. :)
enuf of whining.. back to reality..
two class test down. now im left with my ONLY final examination. which happen to fall on 9sept'. argh!! 7days of count down...to ka-booom!
(really need to really 'cheong' studying,to me-im still not prepared yet.)
updates throughout the week..
26/08/08- as usual, school ends early since most of the module is done. *lalaalaa. decided to just rounding at Jurong Point since there's still lots of tyme to spare. i just hate to be home so early lah. it's just not me. while window-ing shopping had a sudden msg from my friend, Audi asking if im free to 'lepak' with them (Hasif & Farah). since im super free, i join them. he fetched me at the interchange and proceed on to the place. off eat at Macdonals, played few rounds of pool, chill, chats, laughter, did read thru' my notes *hahaa. hardworking rite?i really did. then off home at 9pm while others later. you guys just create that smile on me. thanks.
27/08/08- home early again. this time i have no plans,decided to go home straight from school. *being a good gurl. hahaa. in the later afternoon, mom suddenly asked whether want to go shopping at Jurong Point. she was also bored being at home all the time. so i agree to accompany. went NTUC bought some groceries, bought herself and myself a new shoe and had lunch cum dinner at Long John Silver before headed home. :) :) what a mummy and daughter day-out.
28/08/08- went school just for the RSAF open house thingy. after open house, went back to school for some diving meeting. talking about diving, its confirm that im going to dive at Indonesian sea for 9days. yipee! thanks for my parents for supporting me. will be going by flight to Bali on the 4oct' and sail thru' the 9 days back to S'pore. its sure gonna be interesting. had briefing from Mr Oliver and some documents to sign.
29/08/08- yeah! the day had came. its 'NGOMS' day out. that what we called ourselves (my secondary school darlinks- Mazni, Diyana, Fazeila). its really been some time since we met each other since we were being posted differently after sceondary school lyfe. really miss them lots. meet up during dinner at Causeway Seoul Garden since i've to attend some diving equiptment checking for myself earlier. really glad to meet them. had our dinner and long-long chats. talking about what's been going on each other lyfes, latest gossips updates, simply everything that we could really talk about etc.. those laugh, smile, crazy moments. gosh! really could see how each of us really change. from those tymes till now. its just so hard to explain how interesting the day was. i just miss those secondary moments with them. imy babes. reached home nearly 11pm. :)
(pictures to enjoy)
30/08/08- meet up with my 'mat rempit'. its really been awhile since last met. busy-busy..what more to expect. *hahaa. since i've got no plans and he offered me out. why not rite? friends.. he fetched me at 10.30am under my void deck and off rounding around s'pore. meet the others too. chill, chats, enjoy whats going on in lyfe. had lunch then he dropped me off at Harbourfront since i'm meeting my other diver's heros. supposing to meet Mazni after that but due to some occasion, not. so decided maybe i should just go home after everything done. meet my diver's heros (Mr Oliver, Aidil & Ben) at the control station before proceed on to our destination-Sentosa Cove. that's the place where we will be at arriving after diving. gosh! being with them was just fun as well as irritating. what im irritated most was they kept saying that i'm just lyke one of those 'tai-tai' rich gurl with 2 bodyguard and a photographer. just bcoz' of the way i dress. *'wah-piang.' everything do take some tyme, suddenly my 'mat rempit'. msg and asked whether im done. i was lyke 'huh' thought he went off with the other. but instead he still waits and didnt join the rest. after everything, i went back to the place where he dropped me. asking where were we going next. he replies back 'anywhere, will not be joining the rest'. i was lyke 'okie..' he brought me to Secret Recepie for our dinner then off to watch the opening Ramadhan lighting and chill at Esplanande. those laugh, chats and crazyness all the way. sent me back home around 10pm.
PS: still remember him saying this-'glad to see i've change but always pretty and cute in my own way. changing those ways of mine but my real identity remains. *he smile and touch my nose with that cute smile.' *hahaa. what a day :)
01/09/08- yeah! fasting month here. its the month of pure-ness.
to all my muslim friends.. SELAMAT BERPUASE!
to whoever been reading my blog.(you know yourself)
*you- this is my blog. i have my own rights to write whatever that been going thru' in my lyfe. if you are not happy with it and think that whatver i wrote here are lies, that's your own preception. i dont have to make up stories to ruin/crush somebody life. it's base on what i've been going thru' and what i really think and feels. its really up to you to really believe who is at the right state. i dont keep grauges to anyone. i face the fact that whatever that im going thru'. if you can't take it, then leave. i dont need readers lyke you.
*you- doesnt mean i kept shut of things, you can have it in your own way. im allowing you to have your tyme to really think what's best. dont wait till the other party to really come after me cursing me hell. if that were really to happen, then i guess i'll have to stand on my rights. i will not just sit there to hear and see my dignity falls. patience to have its own limits. furthermore, you have to face the real fact..
PS: to whoever that need clarification on stuff(s), you can just message/call me directly. dont have to tag and at the same tyme 'bringing another party that knows the matter' to answer the questions for you..
you see me smile on the outside. in me,im suffering!
baby, i swear;
it's eu.....Y
4:00 PM
