Ooo- mY kiNda STORY.. -ooO

2009-03-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

sorry peeps. ive moved.

2009-02-23T22:00:00.002+08:00

going hiatus..

ineedsomeonetotalktoo..

2009-02-15T21:00:00.002+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY!!

awh... i bet everyone will be celebrating it with your dearest one yesterday. well, im not. love is for everyone rite? im doing something different, im sacrificing my v'day & spending the day with mama friends, herself & my younger sis' Wani to Malacca for our Hi-tea event with Hahnemann travel & tours. sorry baby. :( i know i should spent my time with you more today, but mama asked me to tag her along. sorie-sorie.
luckily one of my mama friends brings her daughters along. guess who?? my long primary school friend, Fathin (hey, i miss you-lah) & Fatiha, her sister- my younger sis' classmate. well. hahaa. i sit with Fathin while my younger sister, Wani with Fatiha. we sit with one another in the bus to catch up our long lost time. kecoh seh. story non-stop & things even gets more kecoh-able especially with all those 'makciks-makciks' too. heehee.. their stories, jokes, karaoke etc.. woohoo..
going Msia without shopping will be incomplete rite? so we did that before hi-tea at 3pm. shopping-shopping-shopping. :) :) laalaaalaa. Hi-tea was at Centry Melacca Hotel. food was fabulous. *licking* the agency also provide a surprise celebrates those february babies birthday. so we even got cakes to eat other than the choice of buffet food. yum-yum. gosh! i think im really going fat soon. kept on eating but not exercising. im missing sport & wellness lesson now. boo-boo. must go exercising already. so, anybody thinking of tagging?? after eating, went eyeing the sight of the hotel & saw they were preparing v'day dinner for those who have book. the sight was wonderful, so we decided to take pictures of it too. berangan.. hehee

okie, the day was definately fun-fun-fun. haahaa. everyone who join the event surely enjoy the day. it was undescribable. too much to say with too little words. heehee. we even got suviours from the agency after everything.

(pictures, enjoy)

& finally, thanks for all those darlings who have wishes me with all those wonderful messages and care. sayang-sayang you all. mwah.

(dont jealous bby, i'll always love you more.)

2009-02-13T23:56:00.006+08:00

like finally friday's here. yipee-yipee jump-jump. :) :) that means going back to school to meet up with my dearest classmates. i missing them lots. especially my gf: Huda, aka adk: Umar, Sasha, Aisyah, Mel, Salehah & Najlaa... oh, you just look different now. syg-syg kamu. without noticing its already 3mths we went out for our attachments. 1 more months to go.. im so looking forward to the end. getting sick & tired of it. heehee. oops..

& thanks to Umar for giving me chocolate as an v'day present. haha. "aka 'adk' aku satu ni. syg kau.." heehee.

after handing in those QC&A reports, those assignments.. phew! all that burden gone. now, im left with 1 final thing: think of how to present the final project on 3march. after all those meeting & talks of graduation & etc.. my cliques & i had lunch, long chats at Long John Silver before going separate ways. i then meet up with dearest for my advance v'day celebration. dearest cook for me lunch in his special way. so cute and romatic rite?... heehee. thanks. you sure make me surprise. you are the 1st person who cook for me. im so touched. :)

2009-02-10T23:00:00.002+08:00

it's a wonder,they say... how someone can changed you, how love can. and yes, it did to me how love really caught me into being better.. i tried to accept life, tried to accept it's setbacks, face the problems. i wasn't even close to being suicidal, but then just a bit. people would never understand, the pain, the grief, the aching. but all i know, others have it worst than me. others have bigger problems. that's what i'm trying to tell myself, over & over & over again, to stop being suicidal, stop being a coward. because one, i choose to run away from problems rather than face them. giving in and just letting things be. yes, that was what i used to be. i chose to ignore, hoping that it would go away..

but now, im finding time, the perfect tyme to talk things out...

& thanks to daddy for purchasing me a laptop. sayang-sayang daddy.

yipee!! jump-jump.:) :) :)

i will promise to continue studying hard,kay :)

2009-02-08T23:50:00.002+08:00

saturday outing was just superb, marvellous and a definately fun-fun-fun... *smile widely* :)

i'm treating my dearest lil' sis; Dira as her belated birthday present with my wonderful friends (ex-beau;Asnor, heartgf;Aisyah & Jamal). heehee. thanks to all for making the day happening. everything went smoothly as planned. & im sure glad she's happy. firstly, i went to Dira's house to fetch her then we met each other up at far east. went for few rounding before headed to Seoul Garden for our delicious dinner at 4pm. on the way to the MRT station, i bumped onto my ex-beau;Fadhli. not totally face to face but a few centimeters away. didnt get the chance to stop for a few chatt coz' the area was damn crowded. gosh! he was sure shock to see me. look twice somemore. heehee. 'alamak, i know-lah i dont wear dress last time. but dont looked at me like that. ptff!' as soon after that, we msg each other. awh! he said he's headed to do some shop before going shisha-ing again. aiyo, you & your shisha-ing all the time. heehee. at Seoul Garden, we really eat all the delicious food there as if we all have long not eaten delicious food. 'satu-satu gelojaoh cam babi siak- haha. thats what's jamal say & will say. heehee.' we kept going to the buffet area again & again to topup our food and drinks. imagine that repeating till 6.45pm before we take our leave. from solid food to ice kacang to ice cream, to chocolate fondue etc. haha. 'kluar, satu-satu boncet siak. heehee.' after the delicious food, we chilled around the area for some cam-whore 'satu-satu step cam anernye model je' before headed next to marina barrage. & i tell you, marina barrage was beautiful. really beautiful. i'll get my ass there again one day for sure. that day itself was not enuf. laalaalaa.. *skipping around* meet up with the rest of Jamal friends, ate our cake, cam-whore before going home. along the way, my ex-beau;Fadhli msg asking whether i wanna tagged him along for shisha. sorie Fad, im still out with them, cant expect me to just left & tagged rite? next time you plan a proper outing,kay. we'll go out. :) there's sure lots of fun & laughter that day till its hard to explain things in words. so here's the brief.

hopefully these pictures from my camera will explain. enjoy...

(more in aisyah's camera, yet to be received & upload)

2009-02-05T23:58:00.004+08:00

ohkay, im back...

lets update this in a whole stretch,kay :) :)
so this will be slightly lengthy. HAPPY READING EARTHLING!!

not forgetting,

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

[especially to all my chinese friends :) ]

not too late yet rite? coz' its still within 15days. heehee. :)

friday (230109)- yes! its friday. the weekends have arrived. 4 days holiday that means no work. heehee.

basically today i have work as usual and after that woohoo... the day was just splendid. i sure had a great time. even at first i wasnt in the mood, since i misplace my ezlink card somewhere. had to do all those report stuff. bumped to Haresh and he help me put. thanks Haresh for being there. not forgetting for those who knows it too, you guys really show your concerns. thanks. i give myself a day before terminates the concession previllages. but thanks to the person who find it and report. ive got it bck. phew! everything is just truely memoriable. :) :) lurving the day.

saturday(240109)- yeaah! the day im back home. *laalaa* but definately am so tired. my body sure ache after yesterday. just spend the time with my darlinks family members. its just been awhile that we really have great chats, talks, spending time together as a family even if its just by watching television. heehee. we'll shall have more fun the next day since we're having a picnic outing together at Changi with all the grandmas, cousins, aunties and uncles. yea! just lyke old times when i was little. ahh! those times. those family gathering. imsurelurvingit. :) *winks*

* (ps: BBY, takecare of yourself at your friend's chalet alrite. i'll definately will wait for your calls and msges. its too bad i could not follow, you and i know the reasons,bby. *sorry peeps* maybe some other times. remember to behave alrite? heehee. )

** (ps: im so sorie exbeau-Fadhli. i know you wanna ask me out for shisha since you are out from camp. but i just could not coz' of your last minute plans. hmph! never tell me early-early. haiyo. next time, next time. this time no more last minute,kay. :) )

*** (ps: bestie Syafiq, takecare of yourself when you are going KL alrite. be back on monday night. you have to book back in camp. heehee. thanks for telling. if there's anything you know how to reach me. :) )

LAST words for the saturday..

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY to my DEAREST CUZZIE,

SYAMEERA!!

yea. you are a year older now. a year wiser. study hard alrite? all the best in the future endeavour too. hope you have a great day and a fruitful life now and the future. see ya tomorrow :)

sunday (250109)- PICNIC AT CHANGI!! :) :)

the day was definately fun-fun-fun. basically indescribable. being with the cuzzies, aunty, uncles and all... ohh! you cant imagine the 'kecoh-ness.' there's sure being lots of smiles, laughter found here and there. the families, cousins bonding. reminds me f just like those old times when i was little. we usually have this kind of picnics together all the time. but definately that old time was sure better. *grin. even so, im still lurving the atmosphere. :) :) 'kecoh-kecoh!!'

due to all these bbq, i guess i do realise im too gaining weight. oh my.. maybe i should be getting my butt to the gym sometimes. must maintain my vogue for my love ones. heehee. like what granny of my mom-side said to me recently; 'iRa kene maintain gini,kay. jangan naik, jangan turun. dah lawa ni.' heehee. kembang aku skejap. *grin*

let the pictures do the talking..

monday,tuesday (260109,270109)- 1st day & 2nd day of Chinese New Year.

basically im just being at home. spending quality time with the family. :) :) :)

& bestie Syafiq is back from Malaysia too. thanks for the update even if you dont need too. hehee :)

thursday (290109)- bestie Syafiq was having his running test on this day. wish him all the best. :) have faith-lah. you been doing well during those secondary school, i bet this is nothing. and as soon results was release, he texted. CONGRETS to bestie, Syafiq for completeing his10km running test within 46min. woah! that's fast. you run or you fly eh??. hehee.

friday (300109)- received a random msg frm ex-beau, Fadhli saying he's going for a field camp the next day. okay, that was totally random. was partly shock. like since when you do that. kay, maybe those times when we were together. now?? shocking. i take it as, maybe it was your 1st time going field camp huh? that's why. heehee. cute lol you. fad-fad.. bluekz :P

saturday (310109)

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY TO MY ADKKU SYG, DIRA!!

thanks for inviting me to your party. yea, you are a year older & wiser. dgr kate mama & papa. be a good gurl & study hard alrite. hope you have a fruitful & blessful day and years ahead.

wednesday (040209)- congrets to bestie Alif for passing his NS driving TP. see i told you, you can do it. im proud of you. :) :)

thursday (050209)

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO MY FAV LIL' SIS SALEHAH!!
amin. you are a year older, wiser. study hard. all the best to your future endeavour too. hope you had a blessful and fruitful life now and ahead. :)

2009-02-01T10:00:00.001+08:00

my comp is under re-formating now. sigh! i shall update whenever thing is settled.

2009-01-22T11:30:00.012+08:00

I'VE PACKED.

I WONT BE HOME FOR TOMORROW(friday) AFTER WERK.
(but will be back the next day)

I'M CELEBRATING MY WHOLE LNY HOLIDAY WITH MY LOVES ONES. :) :)
SAYANG-SAYANG!! MWAAHH!!

before going home from work, my partner and I was being called to the office. we are like 'huh? getting pay so early huh?' but then it wasnt. the company was being so generous. me and my partner got red packets for this festive season. yea-yea, a blue note :) an extra amount for this month salary. :) :) and i've got myself a god uncle at work. heehee. another red note :) *count yourself alrite. shh! my partner doesnt know this. hehee. sorry Ben.

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PS: whatever lah eh. its my blog anyway. i have the right to say whatever i think. whether its my judgement or what so ever, its still me. thanks to my itchy fingers, i found you. maybe its best if i DIDNT! Oops, I FORGOT. YOU'RE A TOTALLY A RUDE PERSON. WITH NO BASIC MANNERS. MAYBE YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND. BEFORE YOU SAY PEOPLE, REFLECT ON YOURSELF. YOU THINK YOURE ALL PERFECT? SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT LIKE YOU TOO, REALISE THAT. I THINK YOU HAVE MORE HATERS THEN ME SIA.
and oh, about ex-beau. i dont only contact with him. im still in touch with most of them. so? what's your problem. in fact, i dont live around with hated. if they are sincere enuf, they are sure my friend. i dont delete of friends out of my life like you. (except for your jerk,i swear.) should i applause since he's the 1st? thanks ar. i'll tend to forgive but never-never forget. keep that in mind. we are in the world of making friends not enemies, UNlike you.

*serve that jerk right.

i'll be the most happiest person.

2009-01-21T23:00:00.008+08:00

to her,

oh my goodness, i thought you've said you are SO OVER IT!! then what's with the thinking and blaming. hey move on-lah, get a life. im no longer bragging, blaming and thinking about it. your jerk is totally off my list. you can have that jerk all yours to yourself. if you wanna say you are nobody, somebody or whatever thats your own prob-lah. you got your say. i got no comment to your own perception. i just dont want to get involve in any of it. if you wanna hate me, i dont give a damn/care. as if i dont hate that jerk. i hate that jerk 10times more. and oh please, dont accuse me that i drag my friends along to this, they just got to read my entry that all. overall, i just dont get it what you still want from me. ptff!

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kay, enuf of whining above. i dont understand why though. just let her say whatever she has too. im no longer going to just sit there anymore too. like everyone said, i dont gain anything for being nice. i have enuf.
simply enuf.

erm, let talk about IA alrite, its already been 2 months, and another 2 more months to go. whoohoo.. im so looking forward for graduation. already feeling sick of IA but it's sure a great experience though. but some things just kept me wondering, how these people endure and manage to do the same thing and face the same people from day to day? maybe they work for the money to support the family and personal needs. *wonders*
and know what's more interesting, today, the prince of Brunei came to my work place to buy some fishes. with the TP's escorting the prince car. 1st tyme, real life. since we only see it on TV. heehee. kay,imagine just going to Singapore to do that. infact some of the fishes are from its own country. i guess he must also have some stuff to attend here obviously. the prince cant just be coming here for the fishes rite? i ask the uncles around why?, they simply answer the current rate here is much cheaper than their own country. imagine, eg: a clownfish here would cost only around a dollar/ two, but back to their own country the price almost double, it cost nearly 5 bucks. gosh! how much profits could they simply earn...

lastly, not forgetting...

HAPPY BELATED 20th BIRTHDAY to MY DEAREST BRO, HUZ
on 19th Jan 09.

i know it's late. but the thoughts that count isnt it? heehee. thanks for being there for me bro. sorry no prezzie, all i could do is just wish. :) hope you have a splendid birthday and a fruitful lyfe ahead. remember your lil' sis here is always here for you. :) :)

gtg people, myBBYBOY on the line :):)

wanna get into my mushy moments. heehee.

2009-01-21T01:00:00.000+08:00

'every girl needs that guy who she can wrap her arm around.

the one who will kiss her on the forehead when she's sleeping.

the one to wipe away her tears and tell her she's beautiful.

the guy who just doesn't compare to anyone else.'

i dont know why, suddenly... argh! i hate it when i feel so out of place, out of the mind and out of everything. i thought i knew, but little did i know. fuck it. fuck every single thing ah..

you know a feeling where you want to run away but couldn't? because, something stopped you or just cos you are too used to that kinda feeling.. that's how i felt, every now and then. i tried, tried my very best to brush it away.. but? with no effort at all. how i wish i was immune to that kind of feelings, like how my body is already immune to painkillers, even the stronger ones. but somehow, someday, i know this feeling gonna kill me...

"God places the heaviest burden,

on those who can carry its weight."

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bby asked me to kill my NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!

but im still scared.

2009-01-20T20:30:00.002+08:00

oh damn it, my day could be any more worst. for some reasons, it just spoil my tuesday morning, today. darn! early in the morning things already happen and it totally pissed me off. what a day...

scenario 1 : totally my fault. i accept it. but this is not the major cause that totally spoil my morning.
basically, i woke up late today. supposingly to wake up at 6.45am. my alarm rang but i turned it off and continue sleeping till 7am. my eyes just couldnt take it. been sleeping late lately. haish! but, even it's already 7am, im not late. my schadule timing to went out of my house is still 7.45am. the only thing is i only need to rush since i only have 45mins of getting ready, bathe and etc.. so i just grab any shirt and pants and poff! im off. i dont even wear eyeliner today. just natural me. hehee.

scenario 2 : feeling irritated.
as soon as i've reached the bus stop. there were two typical ite mats. 'alamak, lau nk puji aku pun, jgn lah kuat2.' one of them say, 'lawa seh pompuan tu. point finger at me' gosh! wearing simple lyke this pun pretty. crazy. (not to self praise, but its true, i myself am frustrated too.) they wanted to approach but the bus save my day. phew! they were not taking the bus since they were waiting for one of their friend. they mumble about it. loudly. haish! what's with guys these days.
i thought that will be the end, then i guess there's more. *sigh!

scenario 3 : this is what pissed me off most. till it spoil my day. argh!
imagine-lah, im already going to be late. as soon as i've reached interchange, i just walk towards the MRT station. then i walked pass this group of mat-mat. (different mat then scenario 2, okie) okielah, my main motive is to catch that train. then heard one of the mat calling ' U..u...' i thought it was someone else, till one of the 'makcik' said to me that my friend was calling. ' lyke what? if it was my friend, obviously i would stop, smile or say hi, right? ' then i looked back and saw he came towards me. he then grabbed my hand and make me turn towards him and asked 'U nk gi aner pagi-pagi ni?' with that kinda tone. 'i was like hello? i dont even know you.' i said to him, he got the wrong person and walked off. he then grabbed my hand and said, ' tk, i dapat orang yang betul. i nk kenal-kenal ngan u leh? ' then i ignore and walked off (i need to catch that train) but he and his friends kept following me, taking the same train and kept pestering. 'oh my goodness, cam matair seh tgh gaduh pagi-pagi. padahal-padahal. [he's the one questioning, asking, do the talking while i just show my frust face and ignore with my earpiece on. and he's the one, removing it to hear his rants. idiot] orang dah bingit2 pun tk paham2 ke. im totally not interested. ' i was really pissed already at that moment. just wished i could just walked off from them and change place. but the train was already crowded. barely could move. even i have to stand during that moment. so he kept ranting infront of me with his hand on the glass where i was standing. idiot. i shove it off couple of tymes but it still didnt get into his head. 'bengam nye mat, getting on my nerves early morning. ptff.' his friends still could entertain him. 'what the hack!' luckily he and his friends went off at Raffles. and he even have the cheek to say ' bye syg. jgn noti2. kite jumpe lagi,kay. nnti i kol.' 'mak kau, mcm paham siak ni mat, bbual world. you dont even have my number sey. i dont even want to give you. i swear i didnt want to meet you again.' thanks to you, you spoil my tuesday morning.

i smses some of my besties and bby while the mat-mat was ranting by himself. these were their responds.

my bby: ' nasib i tkde ngan u, lau ader tadi, da lame budak tu tdo. '

bestie, syafiq: ' leh jln gaduh sak gini. '

exbeau, asnor: ' lau i ader, dah lame seh bdk tu kene sepak. tkde keje. '

see how concern they are toward me. im lucky im having you guys in my lyfe even as friends/ more. sayang-sayang. :) :)

2009-01-19T22:45:00.005+08:00

I believe we write out own stories and each time we think we know the end, we don't.

Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance,

and the peace that comes from knowing, that you just can't know it all.

BUT You know, life's funny that way.

Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.

if you search your heart & listen to its instruction,

you'll find where you belong.

im missing my BBYBOY!

2009-01-19T22:30:00.002+08:00

my saturday was splendid with both of my besties, huda-darlz & asnor-exbeau. no true plan, everything was simply last minute except for playing pool. heehee. firstm huda have doubts playing. but now, all the three of us knows how to play the game. cheh! i give credits to you tau huda, dah pandaikn skrg. heehee. pro tau she play now. dont play-play. cheh-cheh, jgn kembang, kay sayang. us playing pool was fun. the fun, laughter, jokes, atmosphere but the guys surround us was kinda pain in the ass. irritating betol seh. 'cam tk pernah npk pompuan.' not to self-praise lah. (mcmlah aku ni lawa sgt.) even huda & exbeau said im pretty that day. but im basically just normal. just normal, okie. huda is also pretty. no doubt. then suddenly exbeau was kinda angry, he rant his frust on the game when he was playing with me. 'dier maen geram2, aku lak yg kalah. padahal, im on the lead seh.' just becoz' they kept teasing & looking at our direction. dont jealous-jealous,kay. chill, must maintain macho. yea. & know what, they even manage to say 'bye' to me when we are going off. 'siak je, cam aner exbeau aku tak hot. ni aru exbeau, lom agi mybby. mati korang agaknye. heehee. '

after pool, meet up with my bro since he called & was around the area too. weird but true. 'manerlah ader adk nk kluar ngan kakak kn bile ngan member. first tyme' his friends are my friends too. i know them. we grew up together except for Suhaimi. sorie Ami. but now we are friends rite? heehee. catch up with him & his friends then off to dinner at Esteller77. after all the delicious food, we walked all the way to PS & shop-shop. woohoo.. hehee. then chat, chill & off home.

[know what, when i got home.. BBY called. i got to know my bro contact my bby. my bro thought i was with him. haahaa. whereas he's at werk, werking. boo-boo. he knows im going out with huda & exbeau.]

(pictures to enjoy)
-click to enlarge.

2009-01-16T23:30:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time, hasn't it? Sorry. I miss this ranting space of mine as much as i miss alot of people. So.. Here's abit of update.

i'm basically sick last few days. flu & fever. gotten myself a mc for 2days(wednesday,thursday). actually i didnt want too, but i cant basically carry myself up to work. yea. till that bad. thanks to this IA, i carry myself to the clinic just for the mc. hear that, just for the mc. sigh! eventhough its free. i go clinic for free & yet i didnt want too. crazy rite? everyone knows how much i hate doctors coz' of the medicine reason. yucks. a total NO! & this tyme, i guess some of my friends will be amaze since i do take them coz' i wanna go work. why skip work when things are just so slack. we basically eat more, rest more than we really work. at least it kills my bore at home. it really is when all the kids are in school, the house is just so quiet. aargh!

thanks for my darlings ones for their care & concern. im fine now. im back to werk. :) :) jump-jump.

2009-01-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

Staying at home doesnt sucks at much as what i've expected. Reason being, because i dont feel lyke it and im just sick. im sleeping at home till 4.30pm after going to my cousin house for religious lesson. " tdo tk ingat dunia sia, iRa " being a Mummy's gurl for the day wont be that bad. futhermore, i've always gone out on every weekends & now would be the tyme for a Mummy & daughter talk. need to catch up some things. heehee. gosh! i just hated myself being sick. its irritating. Cure soon, i need to go work tomorrow. thanks for those who show concern towards me when im sick. appreciate lots. dont ask me to eat med, coz' definately i wont. :P i dont lyke any. :) :)

i keep this short. nyte ppl. i need my rest now. someone bugging me to sleep already.

okie2, im going now, friend. ptFF!

2009-01-10T23:55:00.001+08:00

ive got another great day on saturday with my miss friends. :)

ive got a date with Umar & Sasha to Poly open house. [in order from SP-NP-RP]. meet Umar under my void deck at 11.30am then proceed on meeting Sasha at Dover before going to the Open houses. Sasha & me only aim to the Applied Science School since thats what we are only interested. im considering either Biomedical Science/ Biotech. Umar seems to be considering to change to engineering course. he is basically not interesting in science anymore, but graduate with this course first,kay. its left with the final stretch, then you decide.

All the polys are okay. we manage to go all the 3polys before 5pm. heehee. most of the doubts have be answered. now i clearly know whats the different. now, the only think is just hoping there's space for ITE students. coz' they really take in minumum number of us. most piority is to the O'levels grad.

(bumped onto Haresh,Yian Cheng & Amin when we are on the way to RP.)

Glad to meet Syaz at NP. oh gosh! we really didnt care the surrounding when we meet, shouting each other name, run towards each other & hug. haha. :) she is taking biotech there. been persuading me upon taking her course. coz' to her, biotech is more related to what i've been studying now. which is basically true but thinking of what my school teachers said that its hard for an ITE student to get in is another. eventhough there is some who got through, no doubt. alrite2 babe, i maybe considering & trying my luck if i were to put it as my choice.

^its still deciding; biomedical, biotech.

i guess i should either call Syazrul/ Zul for info under biomedical. since they are taking that particular course. only then i could clearly decide. :) :) :) :)

" We all can use a little hope sometimes, you know.

That feeling that everything is gonna be okay

& that there's gonna be someone there to help make sure of that."

2009-01-09T23:40:00.003+08:00

I wish, i could say it out to you. But, the words just couldn't come out.

If only, you could swim deep inside. Deeper into this heart of mine.

So that you could find something, that you can never find.

i miss the BBYBOY! I miss spending time with himm!! =/

& I'm having the nightmares too.

' There's something about you,

that made me coming back.

No matter how you hurt me.

No matter what you do.

Trust me, i've always love you. '

2009-01-09T23:30:00.008+08:00

*jump-jump* i get to meet my darlinks and cliques after so long. im so so so missing them-lah. even if its just only 2months since we've gone attachment. see-ing them just makes me smile. i never felt so much better. :) :) :) after the meet-up & talk from the head, then off to meet MR Oliver about the NYAA report thingy. i just hate whenever there's anything got to do with the NYAA thingy. things are just barely so draggy. settled some stuff then have lunch. ohhh!! i just miss school food. i miss school.

after filling our stomach, we headed down to TP open house with Wan, Danny, Daniel, Fang & Yian Cheng. Bump onto Salehah & Najlaa, chat awhile before headed separate ways. Along the way, then bumped to Umar, Sasha & Huz. join them after that. TP is so happening *but unfortunately damn far from my house* & there's sure lots of friendly people around.. Sasha will understand about it. rite? remember the cute guy that bring us round the school. then leave after he bring us to the Applied Health Science School where we are more interested coz' he is from enginnering. then, we always will bumped onto each other as we explore around after those questioning & clarifying. then he will then give me that cheeky smile and say 'aik, pompuan cute ni lagi.' and i & him will laugh & you will giggle looking at us. remember? *okie, perasan aku panggil diri sendiri "cute" but thats what he said* hehee. enuf of that. im will still be only to my dearest BBYBOY. you know that rite BBY? :) sayangyou. most importantly, at least now, i get a clearer view regarding the course that im interested in. :) :) lurving science.

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LASTLY,

HAPPY NS-ing to this EXBEAU of mine.
(happy army-ing, mat-mat army seh skrg.)
we'll catch things up soon when you are out, alrite :)
anything just beep, which is what you've been doing complaining about your NS lyfe.
ptff! relax lah. everything will be just fine :) :) :)

2009-01-09T00:00:00.003+08:00

& yes.
Regardless of what they wanna say.
Just doesn't matter,much.
Really! Haaaaa.
Oh whatever!
I'm sooooo overrr it!
(:

JERK, YOU CAN TRY TO POISON THEIR MINDS. & YOU CAN TRY TO TELL THEM ANYTHING, THAT MAYBE I HAVEN'T DONE. BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FCUKING SCHIT ABOUT YOU, NO MORE! BECAUSE I HATE THE SIGHT OF YOU. IT MAKES ME IRK. AGAIN & AGAIN, YOU PUT IN A WAY THAT I'M ALWAYS WRONG. MAYBE I WAS TOO SOFT HEARTED. IT'S TIME TO NOT CARE. THANKS AH EH "BESTIE"

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i miss MYBBYBOY.

I need something real and we help each other realize,
that everything we want to be,we already are.
& baby,
you're all that i asked for in this life.
And i swear, it's enough.
Iloveyou.

2009-01-05T23:30:00.012+08:00

" I need you like the ocean needs the tide.

I need you like a fat boy needs his chocolate.

You are my sweet sugar. "

my BBYBOY came over yesterday. *jump-jump, sayang-sayang kamu*. had really a great tyme with BBYBOY and my bro. eversince they know each other, they have been really true 'kamcing'. they even take team to bully me, but my BBY will still persuade me after that. *sweet kn?* thanks to the fun we had & them, i only ended up sleeping at 3am, on BBYBOY lap. see, he even dares to mushy2 with me eventhough with my bro around. hehhe. syg tau BBY i. it started off with sitting down, lying in the pillow, back onto BBY's side to lean on his shoulder and finally to his lap. heehe. kept asking them to count me out as im really tired but they still insist. then, i made a fool out of myself, imagine infront of BBY, still could remember the time when i was already eye-shutting, half dead and still talking. talking to the point, bonus. talking in my own world, paiseh-lah babe. the guys laugh & laugh see-ing me that way. gosh! priceless i tell you. never in my lyfe i act that way. only they know. hehee. night was spent from watching tv, playing x-box, singing & chatting randomly not including those jokes & etc. & know whats more interesting, i have to attend werk the next day while BBY & my bro have to attend school. & i tell you, i damn tired. not forgetting the eyebags. sleeping on the way in the train thru&fro, after break (taking a nap) & tymes whenever i could get the chance. no idea about them, dont ask. my bro seems alrite to me. he could even stay till late at night, while im already asleep as soon as ive finished washing up. evenso, the day was just priceless. i meant everything. im lurving you so much bby.

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to her,

gosh! the problem has been so long and you are still not over it. you should get a life, i think. doesnt mean that im keeping quiet, im letting things easy off too. ive got my rights, ive got my stand. im no longer that kinda girl who sit down and take the blame. i simply have enuf! im tired of being the nice one. if you believe in karma, say whatever you got to say. you got your rights, i dont blame you. but if it hits me, i swear that it will hit that jerk too for whatever he's done. he maybe smart with his words, and i swear i wont fall to it again. i wont fall for a jerk's liar. your words are just lies. simply lies and nothing else. i never regret whatever that had happen, but i only regret trusting the jerk that you're currently in love. i've got nothing to hide and nothing to lose. witness have notice the truth. you wanted prove, i could show you the messages that the jerk sent to me and say all those lying words. ive got no problems showing who's the liar now. changing stories and put the blame on others. im being kind enuf to shut things out. you are damn lucky your jerk is still in a piece coz' some of my bro(s) are sure not happy on how the jerk treat on things. you can keep your jerk to yourself, no doubt. not even friend in my dictionary too.

FURTHERMORE, ive got my own BBYBOY now.
No DOUBT ONLY YOU,BBY!

2009-01-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

" Love is being comfortable with someone.

Because even though your minds may not know it,

your hearts are having this conversation of their own

and they know that you're meant to be together. "

meet myBBY under the void deck minutes ago. pass him some stuff that he will be needed. Had chats awhile before BBY got to go off to meet his friends. BBY just look effing handsome. With the cap, the outfit etc. gosh! *my-eyes-on-you-BBY* I did asked him to behave well. obviously. then, there goes his cheeky smile. i trust him. always do. :) you know it rite, BBY? :) :) details? BBY's going to his company's belated Christmas Party cum New Year celebration. Lucky him huh? there's also exchanging of gift event. i wonder what he would get from his colleagues. heehee. For his part, he had made a collage for them. putting all the memories pictures, colleagues etc. in a huge frame. thoughtful & creative huh? even its something common already but at least it would lasted forever. see-ing will just brings those memories that they have together. heehee.

Last but not least, BBY gives me a kiss, a hug and asked me to sleep tight (even he knows, i wont. i'll get short sleep, every few hours i'll definately wake up. heehee. ) and a takecare before going off. oowwhh.. im touched. loving & missing you BBY.

Nevertheless, I've been feeling way better. It thought me a lot about everything. us, life and love. & the reason why god brought us together. The reasons why we hold on, the reasons why we do this & that. Because, everything happens for a reason. yes, call it cliche.
& to that, I thank god that you're in my life. I thank god that I found you. Even there's tiffs and challenges around. I know that, you're with me. That even whatever i do, you're still loving me, guiding me. Thank you, for still believing in me. & Mostly, thank you for loving me always. Life's precious, I know! (:

' If you would ask me, how many times a day i think of you,

"i'd say "one"..... because i never stop"

& I have been, I am, and I always will be yours.'

2009-01-01T12:45:00.019+08:00

The new year has just approached.

So, i guess it's not too late to wish all of you, "A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

Goodbye 2008 & Hello 2009!

2008 was a mess. Don't be cruel to me, 2009.

Let's hope this new year brings light into my life. Start afresh, let's start afresh. (:

i will not turn back and regret for everything that happened. both good or bad. as they always say, its not worth crying over spill milk. one may forgive BUT NEVER FORGET. some things do come to an end.

*ONLY TO THIS CASE: i STILL WANT THAT JERK TO GO DOWN HARD AND BAD!

~~damn you.~~

RESOLUTIONS? i dont think im doing any this year, when i haven't achieve any. since there's many things i've yet to achieve, things i have left unattended. not that i'm lazy, nor whatever you called it. & then, i totally missing out the point of the resolution thingy i had in mind. and the most-most important one is :

to start appreciating the boy lots, not that ive not, but in a way much better

in the everyday life of when he's with me or even without me..

well, the fact that i do appreciate his existence in my life, i question him sometimes

but sometimes it's just only me whose overseeing the bigger picture.

with all those questions and thinking. no doubt he's been thinking too.

but he is just too relax upon everything. i just wish i could be like him but i just couldnt.

that i want to try to achieve, slowly.. bit by bit.

"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all, is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

CELEBRATION? oh. i just could ask for any better. Thanks to my long lost senior, Ridzwan and obviously my darling BBYBOY for making up my day. Initial plans was supposing be, Ridzwan picked me up after work, meet up his other friends and their respective gfs and watch movie. but due to unavailable time slot for movie, we decided to slack at town, catch sometimes and chat craps. knowing the girls was great. didnt know we do share lots of things similiarly. enuff that, being with them was basically normal. my BBYBOY called after work. last minute i've decided to meet him up. no particular plans. furthermore, last minute Ridzwan also receive an emergency call from his mom. so that means i have to go home too. but the night still young and i have 'pakat' with my brother that we will be going home together. even without the last minute call from his mother, i would still consider meeting my BBYBOY. im just missing him lots. BBY was kinda mad, since everything was last minute but we still end up meeting. he put on a long face at first, but it turns out okie. BBY introduced me to his work friends. How sweet of him to introduce me as his gurl infront of them, unlike some guys. rite ladies? whats more, its new year. he too darely hug and kiss me in front of all those ppls(crowds), potraying im his. yes, I AM HIS! especially to all those passerby(s) too. sweeeetttt huh? i know. heehee. sayesayangsayangkamu, BBY. knowing his friends was nice. they were sure one joker. just manage to make ones laugh no matter what. went cheers and 7-11 to buy drinks * (paham-paham je lah eh)* before we went to find a place to chill. ~~oh, it adds on to the days i've own.~~ kinda miss the firework coz' we are in the shop. but still manage to get to see the glimps of it. chill, chat, laughter till 2+am. by the time, i was freaking stress, there's no cab available. as expected. reached home at 3am with BBY. By that tyme, my bro waiting under the void deck already. heehee. BBY came over too. ::)

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BBY,
I'm sorry for all my doings, these days. Maybe i'm just been thinking too much. But i don't meant to do those things to you. I swear, i don't. I'm still loving you hard and strong. Forgive me, my love. Unreasonable being me. I am. Forgive me, your love.

Things happen for a reason. & sometimes, it came without we realising it. I didn't know that it will happen this way. Nor do i predict that it will happen. But, still. Im sorry for whatever had happened though. Hoping you would forget & forgive. Im willing to sacrifice for anything. & you knew it. Even if you don't believe. Do have a little trust and faith in me. I LOVE YOU, BBY. ALWAYS. ♥

You know that even how i treated you, I will still love you the same. Sometimes, i fail to let you know my inner feelings. & sometimes, i may tend to keep quiet.. But, you can know that i will always love you. My heart doesn't lie when it says something. & my heart beats together, with yours. and I know, you might me saying 'action speaks louder than words.' I know. I'm sorry. Only words can tell. Only words can tell that i'm sorry. That i miss you, so much too.

'Arguments,tiffs & whatnots are just phases of this relationship.

Stay strong with me, baby love.'

[PS: BBY will be werking today. OH.. pity my BBYBOY, bet he will be tired. ITS NEW YEAR AND YET STILL HAVE YET TO WERK. 'cari duit babe, rajinkn.' sayang-sayang BBY. i guess im just going to be home.]

[P.P.S: lyke finally i get my hair treatment and cut.:),
BBY cut his hair too. :) he look effing cute. :)- I KEEP MY EYES ON YOU.]

2008-12-30T23:45:00.007+08:00

ATTENTION!! THE COMPUTER GAME THAT I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED ON THE PREVIOUS POST HAVE BEEN SAFELY SOLD. :) :)

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261208 (fri) - had long chat with my darling babe, Mazni. its just been so long since we had this. eversince we are having attachment, we seems to be kinda busy. talking to my babe, gf had been great. what to expect, those serious girls talk. not gossipping alrite. its the only time where we could just rant everything from the bottom of the heart and knowing what's been happening in each other lifes. what do they think about it and their own frank opinions. which sometimes, will make you realise and think and reflect. some maybe harsh while some maybe supportive. it just hurts to see the another darlings gfs hurt. as darling, we just wanted the best. but still, bottom line, it still up to the individual itself. no doubt. i have to admit, things for me have not been easy. she's always been there for me since all those secondary school days. she knows me well enuf other than my another buddy, Syafiq. upon those talks, it kept me thinking, kept me wondering. i know, bby have said, ive just been thinking too much. i know i shouldn't have coz' i should have faith lyke how he did. i do have faith bby, no doubt. but sometimes, we just need a little bit more of thinking so things will be better. its clear and we know it, we need each other as much as we do.

271208 (sat) - went a date with mybbyboy as planned. like finally we had to meet. im sure missing you bby. you surely could tell upon meeting me. :) *grin. we went to survey some stuff, but still not satisfied. then we headed town to watch TWILIGHT! (the movie thingy was really a last minute plan.) only bby knows how much i really wanted to watch it. rite? rite? you must really read the book now bby, i guarantee you, you shall have no regret. :) if anyone wanted to watch it again, no doubt you could just ask me along. im really willing to watch it for the 2nd, third, umpteen times. now, im so in love with edward. oh edward, how i wish you are real. bby will be frustrated if he reads this. sorry bby. but no worry bby, you are still my number ONE. no doubts.

281208 (sun) - have to wake up early to attend my ' kakak sedare- KAK WATI's ' wedding. so, i'll get a chance to meet all my beloved cuzzies. miss them, especially those cute-cute lil' ones. what's more, im missing my favourite cuzzie, Syazzy. its really been so long since we catch up things. hehee.

last but not least, thank god, the wedding went smoothly. hoping their marriage will last long. Amin.

LASTLY NOT FORGETTING,

Without realising, 1 months pass. it may be short to them.. & to some, it may just be another day. But, it was never just another day since 30 November 2008. You made me open up my eyes. & you're the one that is responsible for what i feel till now. Even i have to admit that there are sure lots of obstacles in-between that you and i have to face. Those challenges. But we still made it thru' coz' we have faith in ourselves. No matter rain or shine, your baby will be here for you. Come what may, we'll brace this through, baby love.

I love you,I love you & I love you so much!

' I say "I Love You", to remind you that you are,

the greatest thing in my life. & the greatest thing I will ever have. '

2008-12-25T23:59:00.003+08:00

As Word Cant describe...

My feeling been blocked

Has i sat in the corner stoned.
Staring in the air, let the word run out.

I am totally speechless, every minute, every second i think.

I am not sure what am i?

What is Left or What is Right?

Never knew somehow it come to this.

I just loosing myself.

Wondering...

Will i get out of this?

Will i escape this mind maze?

I guess, i'll just let it all pass out

Silently underneath me

Breathing yet hurting

Thanks to my bro, HUZ for helping me with the poem above

and not forgetting, hearing me out.

i'll get so emo-up upon writing it.

Only he knows. Thanks BRO.

2008-12-25T23:30:00.015+08:00

Harlow EARTHLINGS!! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

gosh! i sound like im the one celebrating christmas. but i dont, okay. i just love the party-party mood. and christmas is the purfect tyme for it. :) :) *dance-dance around* with those sales, those partying, those bonus pay. it just happen. so im just in the mood. maybe you readers should too alrite. heehee. *smile*

i know i should be out somewhere having fun with my loves ones and friends. but im not. even i got the urge deep in me when some of my guy friends insist of asking me out. thanks but no thanks. i know you guys misses me. 'perasan lak aku ni' but im not going to fling around. we could meet but just not this time. i'll be very tempted to be very pempered(manje) *laalaa* just in the mood lah. i know you guys will lyke it. but not this time, kay..

instead im out with mummy to bugis. thanks mummy for saving me. :) :) since we already got cash, we went shopping. shop-shop-shop till we drop. once again, ladies day out. together with my lil' sis of coz'. the guys stays home. heehee. after doing all those shopping, without realising, its already 7pm. daddy called and asked us to meet him with the guys at Jurong Point. we'll be having dinner outside. yea-yea, daddy's treat. :) :) we ate at FIG & OLIVE. since now the restaurant is nearby, we dont need to travel so far. *laalaa.* dinner is just superb. :) thanksdaddy.

~~pisstt.. the waiter is cute. heehee.~~

' these feelings won't go away,

they've been knocking me sideways,

they've been knocking me out lately,

its just so hard to explain. '

HOT STUFF!! I'LL BE SELLING OF MY COMPUTER GAME

ANYONE INTERESTED OF BUYING..

JUST LEAVE YOUR TAG AT MY TAGBOARD, THANKS.

DETAILS:-

TITLE OF THE GAME IS: GRAND THEFT AUTO IV

IT HAS 2 DISC, BOTH NO SCRATCHES. NO SCRATCHES!!

STILL BRAND NEW, NOT USED / PLAYED YET

WILL BE SELLING COMPLETELY WITH BOX, CD COVER, MANUAL, GAME MAP

SELLING AT $50.

2008-12-25T00:30:00.006+08:00

oh well, CHRISTMAS EVE here!! party-party, *dancing around*

i update this as soon as ive reached home. after i've wash up and all. check time: 00.15am.

unfortunately, my company didnt celebrate, so there's no half day given. sigh! so i guess i'll be partying only after work. that's if there's anyone who PM me. (hoping someone will) Gosh! i'm just not in the mood to work. lyke what most people would say, 'it's the month where people should be in the mood of partying than working.' i strongly agree to that. :) oh how i wish too, but unfortunately, thanks to attachment im stuck here working. *sigh!* somehow, i just felt regret not going oversea for my attachment. *double sigh!* -_-

initially, there's no plan of partying. even deep in me, i wanted it so so the much. but thanks to the last minute PM as i'm on the way home. thanks to Pika and Lyn for saving my life. heehee. :) :) the gfs asked whether i wanna tagged them along. lyke of coz' or else its not fun staying home during eve. they set their timing and we should actually meet at 8.30pm at vivo. initially they are already out with some of their own friends. but they have to go bck early. i rushed home and quickly have my shower plus getting ready. by the tyme, its alraedy 8pm. gosh! im gonna be late. but thanks to AMIR, im not. since he is tagging along too, he text me if i wanted to go with him. then i just say alrite. furthermore, he's staying around the corner too. :) thanks to that, i've got another 5-10mins of grace. heehee. maceh AMIR. :) :) he fetched and way we went to meet the gfs. whoo. its predictable, always when the gfs is out, he will usually tagged along. 'cam sugardaddy katekn.' must take good care of the girls. *grin*

(some pictures to enjoy)

my cam-whore- thanks to lyn.

she takes pictures of others but not herself. hehe.

pika gf :)

the guy who saves my life from being late :)

AND KNOW WHAT??!! daddy gotten his pay plus bonus. *grin-eyebrown rise* heehee. ring any bells. thats means can go shopping liao!! *smile* 'daddy i want this, i want that' heehee. 'oh anak manje aku sorang ni.-daddy said' im just gonna lurve this. oops. know what's the another good thing?? daddy gives me and my bro 100bucks each. *laalaa- dancing around* but clever mummy to cut my 20bucks of pocket money. but its okie, at least i've still got 50buck. thats means it makes a total of 150bucks. whoo. 'jadi orang kaya skejap ni' heehe. irasayangmummydaddybangat-bangat. mwah!

PS: bby have to work today. so he didnt get the chance to njoy lots. but he's going home late coz' of Christmas dinner from his company. so lucky rite? but even he's working, he knows where im going and when im back. i do text him. missing you bby.

2008-12-23T21:12:00.005+08:00

ignore the previous entry. its just nothing, it only what i feel. so random

lyke bby said, ive been thinking so much when i shouldnt have. oh bby, it just come. forgive me. especially when you are working till so late that day till you are so tired and forget to sms that you ond work and have reach home. i just get so worried. so uneasy. i wasnt tinking clearly, questions and questions just brushes through my mind. sorry bby, i know i shouldnt have. :(

i know i should update this on yesterday(monday). but im just so worn-out. As soon as i got home, i lie on the bed and there i go, soundly asleep. heehee. all the way till morning when im going to work. imagine. 'tdo tak ingat dunia.' never been lyke this but oh well.. *grin.

oh, bby came over that particular day (monday) and sure have great day. thanks for the company bby. appreciate it lots. at least, we have a chance to meet. cant expect the day to be better.

PS: we shall meet up again on saturday,kay. hopefully everything goes as plan. :) :)

2008-12-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

" I woke up this morning with this feeling inside me, that i can't explain.

Like a weight that i've been carrying, has been carried away."

Words just cannot describe.

How i feel, inside me.

This feeling..

I sense something is not right.

& it never is if things turns out this way.

Why oh why am i still feeling these?

in a mind of uncertainty & confusion

" No matter what i feel, what im thinking,

I wanted you to know, my heart remains with you. "

2008-12-21T14:30:00.010+08:00

Meet up my darlink lil' sis, Salehah to return he VCD back last friday after attachment. its been so long since IA that we met. initial plan was to have dinner together but unfortunately we have to cancel it since her father is fetching her back. oh well maybe next tyme. but what touches me the most was she bought for me prezzie and a good luck card. how sweet of her. sorry your big sis' here didnt bought you any. i didnt expect it either. thanks lots. it really means alot. you are such a great lil' sis too. you know how to find me if you need me rite? i'll be there. no prob. :) :)

My weekend was sure SPLENDID! :) :) :) Especially with darling mummy and lil' sis around. It's ONLY the girls' day out, while the boys' stays home. heehee. Yesterday, went for window-shopping, trying and surveying things before daddy got his pay this coming Christmas, then we shall hunt daddy for it. heehee. That's mummy and my initial plan. See how it goes then. probably, we will stick to it. heehee. Told bby im going out with mummy and he asked me to enjoy my day. and I surely did. :) Upon hearing to my story, mybby said im bad. ‘nakal dier eh?’ heehe. Oh well bby, im daddy's girl and mummy is his beloved wife. So there's no harm. Daddy loves us. Right daddy? He won't mind to share parts of his bonus on us. hehee. Like what we always said, 'sharing is caring.' *grin.. Its only once every year there's lots of sales going on in town. *cheeky smile. We surely did lots of surveying, from clothes to shoes to watches.. hahaa. How mummy and I wish 'ka-ching' will drop from the sky this instant. *(as if its going to happen) furthermore, im loving mummy sense of fashion now. She did improve lots. Im loving her taste now then all those previous years. Oops. Sorry mummy. :) but I bet this time mummy would spend some cash on me. *lalaa. That's the good thing of becoming mummy and daddy's girl :) :)

Today, I guess im just being home. Being a good-good girl to my bby. That’s what you said when you are off to work, right? No worries bby. I’ll be home. Doing facial mask with mummy. Pampering ourselves I suppose. Hehee. Knowing that I’ll be his good girl, he cheekily said he would be naughty at work. Humph! Bby, NO EH! You know it.. He just loves to see how I react to it. With my tone, reaction and expression. Then you will silently laugh. Right bby?? Bby, oh bby, you are sure soo cuute. Know what! I'm missing you more everyday, bby. JUST YOU! NO DOUBT!

'You're the kind of guy who makes me throw my head back, and let out a real laugh,

because when I'm with you,

nothing else matters.'

last but not least,

IM MISSING THESE FOLKS!! :)

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(further update:
oh boy, i guess, last minute plan pop out. wont be staying home. daddy and mummy bringing the whole family out. i surely wont want to miss it. *[hint: daddy tagging along.] hehee. you get it?? ring any bells. hehee. gtg. gonna get ready. :)

2008-12-19T00:50:00.003+08:00

its already past 12midnite and im still widely awake. my heart is not at ease, im thinking, im wondering, im worried. worried coz' my bby seems not to be home yet. 'dah lepak, maner nk ingat alik,kan?' haish. oh bby, where can you basically be? please call me. -_- everytime when i try to go to sleep but i simply cant. im waking up every minute just to check onto my phone to see if you are home. *tu name nye sayangkn? tdo-tdo ayam tau. risau babe. nyeweku lom pulang. furthermore, im missing him badly. we will meet up real soon,kay bby. then, i will just hug you tight not letting you go..

KNOW WHAT!! bby just PM me online. thats means he's home. yea. jump-jump. co-incidently, everytime when im writing about him here, he will be there. haish, cam tahu je.. rindu jugak eh?:P

'if you love someone, you must love him/her to the fullest,

even at times meaning you have to sacrifice yourself

and you know,its for the ONLY best.'

Regarding IA, i know ive been bragging about it lately. but that doesnt mean its like so the bad. like i said, BEN and me is surely being treated like one prince and a princess. easy job, relaxing. which is an advantage but yet boring. no challenge, really. BUT i really mean it especially during break time. i know BEN will laugh his ass out if he reads this. oops. in case some of you who dont know, for my company, lunch and tea break is provided. so far they have been feeding us very well. [menu: lunch-chicken rice, ayam penyet, fried noodles, briyani, mix-rice etc. tea-break- 'chenteng, bubble-tea, Macdonalds, KFC, ice kacang etc.] imagine all that. goodness. 'i guess my partner and i might just gain weight after the 4 months attachment. while my bby is cutting down weight, im gaining. OH NO-NO-NO.. MUST MAINTAIN. heehee.

not forgetting..

CONGRETS TO MY LIL' GOD-BRO UPON HIS RESULTS!!

(**claps**)

cheh! i told you. you can do it. top student. 5 pointer seh. im proud of you.

now you believe me. all the hardwork you put in throughout the months pays off now, rite?

who benefits? YOU. im just motivating. thats what a god-sis should do rite?heehee.

now, its tyme. pick the right choice and all the best.

YOU KNOW HOW TO FIND ME :) :)

(if you need me)

2008-12-17T23:30:00.005+08:00

Frankly, IA has been really a drag now. my partner, BEN and myself has been cursing and swearing. we are really counting down the days back to school. im just tired. both are tired. really tired. eventhough everyday its an easy job, (i dont deny that, which is an advantage) but hack, its simply bored me and partner to death. no challenge. not interesting. plus the atmosphere is so the quiet. weird but true. the only thing that produce sound is the chinese local radio station other than break tyme of coz'. till im already sick of it. surroundings are also spoken in chinese. as if im one chinese gurl there. even in the first place they misunderstood me. *ptff!smack head. lyke wthell, luckily i understand but cant respond back. heehe. but im sure lurving coz' im being treated lyke a princess there while BEN has to do most of the job. oh well. heehee. BEN will hit and laugh if he reads this. back to werk, it lyke only been a month and 'so-called' we know everything. nothing new. what the local staff are doing, we, students are doing the same things too now. not surprising, now, those lazy staff could take advantage. those stuff that they think they are lazy/tired doing, they could pass it to us. they shows their little signs,kay. and oh hell NO! fat hope, wait long-long if you want to pass it to me. i've my ways to avoid it. gonna keep myself busy.

** Only a month pass, three more months to go... -_-

im waiting for my bby to call me for tonight. yea, he's busy werking. on the way home. sigh! tomorrow, training. double sigh! i barely could do anything else, coz' all i think is him. him-him-him.. mybby :/ and yes, only god knows how much i miss my bby! he's not far away. but far away from me, still. didnt had the chance to meet him yet. i just miss you bby. all i need is just you. i can never ask for more, but just being there in your arms. i guess i just have to wait till saturday, accompaning you for your rugby game. :) :)

i could still remember how cute we are last night on phone. imagine, it's just coming to the end of the year and we are already planning for valentine. ooouhh. i just cant wait bby. you are just full of surprises. even at tymes i find you irritating, but thats what i lurve about you most. **sayasayangbangatkamu.

"I swear to you, on everything I am,

And I dedicate to you all that I have,

And I promise you that I'll stand right by your side,

Forever and always until the day I die."

2008-12-16T00:40:00.002+08:00

It's at the most unexpected time,

when you think of someone you have been thinking for so long.

So, where are you?

i dare say i miss you, bby...

" It's hard to explain the feelings inside me, sometimes.

At times, i may want to push you far far away. & at one time, i may want to pull you back close to me..

My feelings may submerge at one point of time, just like how a submarine sink below the surface of water..

But, one thing's for sure.. I've always love you.

Now, here, today,tomorrow or even yesterday.

You're the one inside my heart, & that is never a lie "

here, i am, nearly morning. still widely awake. still deciding on what to blog. still determine on blogging. coz' there's just so many things, so many emotions and worst, im out of words. nothing would really compare the fact how im feeling right now. i guess, im just missing mybby lots.. (:

guess, today begins the holiday break for my bby. ~~(what! he's having holiday while im NOT!)~~ then that means our schadule will be even more tight than before. bby will be busy with werk and training while i have my own attachment. ** ptff! tyming clash. hate when it comes to that. but we will find time alrite bby. just you and me. heehee. i guess my hp will be so quiet now, especially without those msges from you bby during your working hours. ): coz' now, the only person who ring my hp is just you bby. 'see ppl, now i got no tyme to flirt with others. ive got him!! thats you bby. ONLY YOU. :)' bby will be proud when he reads this. *grin. but no worries, your pictures will stil make me smile thru' out the day. right now, bby just back home. he texted. awh!! so im no longer worried. but definately still missing you. hugs.

im counting down with BEN for the days left of attachment.

dont ask why. just dont. -_-

3mths and 5days left.. hurry..

2008-12-14T22:00:00.021+08:00

as long we have faith, nothing will go wrong

As i was listening to songs on the phone. Flashbacks kept playing in my mind. Of the times yesterdays. Those times! If only i could turn back time. We could live that place up always! I miss that place & you, bby. I do, so much. And as i turn back time in my mind. I ONLY came across you. you who seems to make me flip, at just the sight of you. you who make butterflies in my stomach. And the you, being that just that special person. Who can make my smile widens. REMEMBER? The first time you held my hand? The first time you kiss & hug me? The very first time we go out together. And the times where time just stop, for both of us. im totally missing you.

2008-12-13T23:59:00.007+08:00

When I see you, the world stops.

It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you.

There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries,

no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops,

and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you.

Just you, and my eyes staring at you.

i was beginning to see, though, that the unknown wasn't always the greatest thing to fear. the people who know you the best can be riskier, because the words they say and the things they think have the potential to be not only scary, but true, as well.

i'll never regret you, or say i wish that i'd never met you. because once upon a time, no matter how long ago that was, you were exactly what i needed.
because at times like this, i just realized the most important thing. the one that i cannot live without, the one that keeps me breathing. the one that never fails to keep me going with life, with love. and the answer is simple, it's you.
[don't forget to smile my favourite smile... ily. <3]
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tonight will be the night. the day will just be filled with you and me. nothing else. i shall remember it with a smile. thanks alot baby. thanks for everything. everything was just priceless. being with you is priceless. ily lots baby. those cuddlings, those smiles, those laughter, those kisses... and to everything, i'm pretty emotional now, i know..

** (as this is publish, i am with you(; )

2008-12-13T14:30:00.002+08:00

im updating as soon im done diving. talking about it, diving been great today. normal- lah i can say. see-ing corals, fishes etc.. what more to expect rite?? its basically just the same. futhermore, this tyme round is more of the research thingy. to solve a certain problem for this competition thingy that we, divers are into. prizes if we won are super amazing. haahaa. only different, this time round; buddy; BEN didnt tagged us along. thanks to that *toot*. i shall seal his name for now. everything must be according to his own tyme, pace schadule. as if we dont have ours. ptff! i really have enuf. i cant nag no more. coz' im not in the mood. my mood are much reserved for later. im totally looking forward for later. as ~~mybby~~ and i will have the whole tyme for our own. its not what you people might think,okay. alamak,positive lah man. smile. im meeting him in a short while as soon as i've reach Singapore. (: (: (: he is fetching me somewhere near-by. *lalaa. the only thing is, im not vogue. ptff!

*will update more later. just a brief of everyting for today.

2008-12-11T22:50:00.006+08:00

bby is such a sweetheart. come out with a plan for something really-really nice this weekend. (: other that the diving of course. nah, not interested. *ptff! he should be done with his training now while im writting this. oh bby, i swear i miss you lots seh. hurry-hurry home, im waiting for you. haahaa. (gosh! my phone just rang, its him! *smiley-smiley) 'cam tahu je tau org rindu dier. sal dier pun rindu org. hahaa' :P

seriously, ive been like sleeping real late at night. really late. i slept at 11pm (maybe to you guys, it may sounds early, but read on..) and later woke up at 1am/2am in the weehours just for my bby. coz' he is back... ~~yeah, my sayang home.~~ (: i'll wake up automatically whenever he called. 'hati tak tenang oi walaupun sebenarnye tgh tdo'. tido-tido ayam namernye. sayang tau (: dont get it wrong bby- obviously no, im NOT complaining. instead im LURVING it. love those wee hours chats with you. the songs that you sang for me every night. i just love your voice,b. the words every night saying how badly you say you want me. hug me, kiss me. everything.. romantic kn? i sacrifice my sleep while you sacrifice your tiredness after your training/ werking hours. hahaa. then we chats as if there is like no tomorrow. till 3.00-4.30 in the morning. then the next day, both are lyke shot dead. although we didnt show it when we meet the next day after my attachment and before your training/werk if there's a chance, if not, we find chance. :P every morning, i will call you to wake you up for school while i need to go for my attachment. i can just go *laalaa. lost of words. nothing compares to what im feeling now.

i just cant wait for the 13th, bby.

it's not about the diving but the moments of just being with you and me.

the day that will be full of surprises. (:

MyBro,Huz has been inspiring me to write a poetry like himself. so i thought, why not. for once. heehee. 'effort tau.'

[i know it sounds weird but it just a try out... -_-]

i used to be alone, staring at other kinds of me that flew high

they proudly open their wings and continue going higher before me

while i just stood still at where i landed

surrounding the metal wiring with darkness and fear

wondering if there's hope left for me

day pass, month pass, years passes by

i've always had have the intension to be just like the others

but didnt have the enough courage, enough strength

too fearful that i would fall again

but to be like others, i didnt let myself down

i tried, tried hard and believe

believe that everyone is predestinated with their own fate

until i found you

now im free flying high in the air

to a destine destination towards the lights and sounds

just as the GREAT ONES has always promised.

2008-12-09T16:30:00.008+08:00

oh bby, if anything happens and we are left with only and that only solution. which both of us realy cross our fingers, hopefully not. we both accept it. both of us know we treasure our friendship more. even at Salehah survey, i prefer lover than friendship, but in this case its different. only bby and i know it. even we know they are only our surroundings and should be supporting us instead. but for now, things are just so complex. not for a boy/gurl would destroy it. but we know things will be better on a later date. just not now. seriously though i know you have ask, though im willing to wait. honestly. but i dont want to wait forever, yknow. one fine day, we'll both wake up and realise that. you and i are the voice in our head that makes us happy. make us smile. whenever we meet, there's always butterflies in the stomach. then we'll wonder where on Earth we as individual would be. i'll be waiting for you at the first place where we met, the first time where you have guts to meet me alone and say what you have kept wanting to say to me- at the corner of the street bby. i'll wait bby. im willing. make me wait for a few months, even till you end NS im fine with it. but just not forever and just dont treat me like a rag doll. just dont leave me lost in our so called fantasy. i still need you as much as you need me. you know it. you know you could always treat me lyke your bby. but only when we are slacking with the rest, i guess not. it just need to remains that way, for now. only now...

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he is in school and going for his rugby training later after that, while im just at home for today. the company im in gives me an extra off day since yesterday was Hari Raya Haji. supposingly should be following my parents off to Johor. but likely stuck here, since last minute find out that my bro passport has been expired. thanks bro. now, its like a childcare centre while my parents are the only one off lyke they went for honeymoon. hahaa.

the Sentosa people have been calling me twice now. once last week and this week. they ask about the position that ive apply. oh well, now thanks to attachment, ive to decline that. thay say they are willing to accept after ive end attachment. that will be lyke 3-4months later? will they ever remember? hahaa. oh well. at least i know where to go if i need to work. i know i need it. but its just not this time. (:

talking about him, he just called me. hahaa. lyke he knows im talking about him. oh bby. hehe (: (:

2008-12-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

hari raye haji was okay. dad and mom individually successfully did their 'korban' this year. amin. although i felt as if its lyke any normal days. not as great as aidilfitri but still it is a good meet-ups with the cousins. haahaa. (: (:

i guess after today, the menu for this week will just be mutton. hahaa *grin*

pity my ~~darlinksuperhero~~. he is sick on this lovely day. people are busy celebrating eating all those yummy-yummy delights and there he is hiding under his blanket shivering and resting. pity ~~mybabyboy~~. wish i am there accompanying him, but oh well, im too outside celebrating with my own family. sorry baby. the most i could only do is just to call him and check onto him. not all the time lyke twice/ thrice as he too needs his lovely rest. mind you. remind him to take his medicine as well as not to skip any meals. he tends to do that whenever he is sick. kinda worried sick, since tomorrow he got school and his rugby training after that. oh baby, rest well alrite. (: if you know you cant afford it, dont force yourself. hugs.

2008-12-07T00:43:00.005+08:00

today, hari raya haji eve. send some delights to my grandma place after all those cooking. smell those sambal goreng, ayam masak merah, sambal sotong, rendang, lauk lemak etc.. erm,erm.delicious...

then, meeting ~~mysuperhero~~ is such a bless. we really crack ourselves how to move ourselves thru' the situation. but so far, im glad, we've been supportive with each other. we really want things to go for the ONLY BEST. we'll go thru this journey together baby.

things are really getting more confusing. ~~mysuperhero~~ and i really wonders, why are we stuck in this situation. we know we need each other but the surrounding seems not to support us. the friends, the cliques.. its just too complicated. only to our close ones would know. maybe fate are just testing us. maybe..

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Yknow, sometimes i wish i could proudly say i belong to someone.

and friends surrounding with be supportive and accept that feelings cant be force

while mine has been given to him.

and when we walk together, we make their heads turn.

oh how i wish.

dreams are certainly better than reality.

2008-12-03T03:30:00.004+08:00

today is like one of the worst day in my life. everything is like so messed up and fucked up that i broke down at one point of time. its like fate is trying to play around with me yknow. things will definately be getting even more complex after that. for now, we only have one option. but we are still thinking of better. both of us have the same worst fears and nightmares. i know how scary and difficult it is. i wont let it happen and if it happen, i'll be prepared. Trust me baby, i feel exactly the same way as you.

sometimes i wonder am i ever gonna be good enuf for anyone?

at times, i feel pathetic and useless when i cant be there for my loved ones.

regardless of whoever; Girlfriends, Boyfriends or just anyone.

if it hurts you,

it hurts her more to see you this way.

2008-12-02T20:45:00.003+08:00

there's always a reasons why God made us crossed each other's path. and one of the reasons is for me to love you with everything that i am. i need you as much as you need me. let's stay strong for each other. Trust me baby, i feel the same way too.

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meeting ~~mysuperhero~~ after my werking attachment was such a bless. everything is such a bless with him. you just show me a sense of comfort that i always wanted. imy.

oh wells, nothing can be compared to what I actually feel right now. i cant suppress this feeling for you. I leave everything to God, to surprise me. Am I hoping or I am hoping? *sighs*

2008-12-01T00:00:00.005+08:00

my dreams was once shattered when i was killed few months ago. one moment in life that i feel like giving up but with support from family and friends, i got up and start to live my life for myself but still, i didnt dare to dream. fear of my dreams being shattered again. but somehow, till you came, you change everything..

i start to dream again..

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everything was basically all unplanned. all sudden. all co-incidence. meeting ~~eu, mybbycumsuperhero~~ was just fabulous. those chats, those smiles, those hugs was just priceless. having you as a friend being there really means alot to me. till now, only what's within eu that eu have kept secrets for long was revealed. those words which makes me hard to believe, but the way eu repeat everything, making me feel its all true. in fact; IT IS TRUE! but things were so complex now. let this just be between us for now. (:

2008-11-30T23:55:00.001+08:00

24nov08- Attachments has begun. no more schooling. i guess i will be playing with lots of water. haha. you get what i mean dont you?? ptff! thought it would be fun, it sure is.. but im kinda miss schooling now. at least i dont have to really think what to wear everyday to werk. thinking back, school uniform isnt that bad afterall. haha.. -_-

its only been two days of attachment and i've already met my bro, Huz for dinner. kinda miss him though. haha. we meet up at Bugis and eat at Tong Seng. had chats, laughter and stories of individual attachment postings. i miss the rest of the classmates.

2008-11-30T23:30:00.004+08:00

IM BACK!! sorry earthlings, to kept you waiting. i know ive long not been update here. been really busy rushing for all those datelines till ive really get no tyme. plus my home comp have been really sux lately. COMPUTER BREAKDOWN!! *ptff! my intention to update always boils deep in me coz' my day has been just wonderful. yahoo!! heehee. ~~so i kept updating on my notebook before transfering everything here. (:~~

as soon as i know everything is back okay, i shall update (in summary) what's been happening throughout my WONDERFUL NOVEMBER MONTHS. updates-updates-updates.

(07nov08) - absent myself from school. hehe. (lyke ive said, school has just be drag, for goodness sake. i cant believe i said this, but oh well. its basically true. hehe.) as i said, i absent myself from school but i went shopping with my buddies(1)- aisyah, asnor & ilham. went town to shop-shop-shop. till drop! this tyme, i was really shopping till i drop together with darling aisyah. (: we kept going to the fitting room to try out our desired outfit from shop to shop and end up buying some of it. heehee. all thanks to our darlink buddy. (: (: (: i bought myself 2 tops, 1 shorts and a pair of shoes. *laalaa. lurving it. i cant describe how much fun the day was. so here's some pictures of the outcome from shopping.

(08nov08) - weekends been just purfect.(= went town with my buddies(1); ilham, sufiyan, aisyah and asnor. first, as usual played our favourite game.. POOL!! *laalaa. we never miss that. V.S with the 3 heroes. won with sufiyan (1st tyme went vs with him) and lose with ilham. (as expected, he's the 'always' pro '_' ) and know what?! i ended up draw with asnor. that was lyke.. phew! luckily my skill were still alright even i didnt practice unlike him. bluekz. lucky-luckly didnt lose, if not?? (hidden secret,shh... sorry peeps) *haahaa. then had our lunch cum dinner before fetching up darling aisyah after her werk place. rounds and rounds at town before headed to esplanade to chill and had our lovely long chats. we still need to catch up, didnt we? had talks, laughters all night before its tyme to go home. reached home at 11pm. the day was just great. cannot be explained by words.
(pictures, njoy)

(09nov08) - had to attend some family 'kenduri' and 'baby cukur rambut' thingy so cant have great fun with friends. sorry guys, maybe next tyme. ): but fun doesnt only ends there. get to meet with all my other cuzzies. expecially those little ones. "eee.. geramnye aku.." had chats, fun, laughter too. i just miss those my younger-hood period where there's more family gathering happening.

(11nov08) - **first of all **

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLINKCLASSMATE, AISYAH!!

hope you get a blessful and fruitful lyfe now and ahead. (=

had QC&A practical phase test on the particular day too. i think i did it just fine, i guess. except for some careless mistake. its nomal, nervous i could say. heehe. hoping for the best. (=

(12nov08) - school was absolutely normal. nothing much but i get to meet up with frenzy,Suhaimi after school for dinner and movie. talking about him could make an incredible story. haha. (you know,i know;Aimi) it's been so so long and then we met again. gosh! we could really laughed ourselves when we remember it. haaha. dont get it wrong. its not what you guys think. absolutely NO! its just how it starts when we first were to know each other. -_- had dinner at banquet and watched coffin and 007. thanks for everything, friend. nice meeting you again eventhough it will be short, since you were going NS soon. (=

(14nov08) - didnt go school since lesson been cancel. YEA! a day off from school. *jump. im getting sick of school, swear it's a totally boredom. i cant believe i kept saying this. but its true, everyday been such a drag. i drag myself out of bed every early morning.. *sigh, roll eyes. since idah could not go to her appointment at Tony&Guy coz' of the interview, she change me over. so went to Tony&Guy at 2.30pm to get my hair cut. was not really impressive but still alright. no comment. but i guess i miss my long hair. i wanna my long hair back. my nice-nice long hair. boo-boo. then meet up frenzy, Suhaimi then go dinner and watch Madagascar2 before home sweet home. it's totally a MUST to watch! you would really laugh your ass out. (: (:

(15nov08) -

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND, ARSHAD.

hope you get a blessful and fruitful lyfe now and ahead. (=

(19nov08) - meet up with Arshad at Raffles City after school for dinner as well as to celebrate his belated birthday. had long chats, smiles and laughter. it was really glad to meet you,boy.

(21nov08) - the last day, we'd be in school. sob-sob. ): Had QC&A test and briefings for IA then we had camwhoring, huggings sessions. im sure gonna miss them lots. even we had some barrier her and there, but the togetherness is still presence. the lurve within us remains strong. thats what i lurve most about my class. hope we meet up for dinner to catch up tymes alrite (:

(23nov08) - since its gonna be the last day of meeting my peeps, Huda makes the effort to organise some meet-uos. but oh well, only little attend. but it worth the fun. went Sentosa with my darlings ITE mates: Huda, Anash(huda'sBF), Aisyah & Mel before attachments. we sure have lots of great fun from morning till late afternoon. swimming, riding on the luge as well as the sky ride. haha. glad to have girlfrinds lyke them. wil definately been missing them during IA. (: after all those fun, meet up Arshad. had dinner, chats & laughter. lyke always.

[PS: pictures will be updated as soon ive received them.]

2008-11-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

okay, as promised. Ive been tagged by Salehah to do this survey. So, here you go...

1. Do you have secrets?
*Like duhhh. Everyone has their own dirty lil secrets.

2. Would you fall in love with a guy/girl younger than you?
*Depends. but most probably nope.

3. Have you fall in love for now?
* i think so, but things been complicated. :) so its better to keep myself shuts. NEXT QUESTION.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
*Woohoo! Travel around the world, shopping, save and help the needy.

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
*Urm, he's my bestfriend, my enemy and my lover. Can?

6. Which is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?
*Both. In order to being loved, you need to love.

7. Give one reason why you love your significant other if you have one, one day.
*Love needs no reason. it just happen.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
*Just continue to love him silently. :) if he meant to be yours, he will be yours.

9. What is the first thing you would do when you're legal?
*Legal as in 18 or 21??

10. What would you do if your significant other if you have one day, cheats on you?
*had enuff, Okay, NEXT!

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
*Wow! by that tyme i would be 29. I should be married. i guess.

12. Who is currently the most important person to you?
*My family and 'you' (you know who you are)

13. How many times your heart has been broken?
* 3 times.. or maybe more? hmm. heartache. boo-boo ):

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
*Married and rich, can?

15. Have you ever stuck in a situation whereby you are between a friend and a lover?
*Ohyes. It sucks to be in this position.

16. If you're attached but you feel as if you like someone else, what would you do?
*Ooops. NEXT!

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done to you?
*I will forgive but i WONT FORGET!

18. What do you want to tell that someone you like?
*I just want the person to know that he means the world to me. *hinthint*

19. If theres a choice between lover and friends, which will you choose?
*Can dont choose? True friends will be with you through thick and thin and lover will give you the comfort to lean on. FURTHERMORE,if he's a true friend, he will definately support you even at any complicated situations.. so i will prefer lover.

20. Do you believe theres True Love?
*Yes. So much that I want to believe it is true love. :)

Okay done. (:

2008-11-07T13:25:00.006+08:00

Gosh! i really have to admit this: SCHOOL HAS BEEN SUCH A DRAG!

im totally have to admit that im totally not looking forward to school. (but im looking forward for every night. oops!- random me.) everyday,every morning, i drag myself out of bed and forcing myself, telling myself; 'today will be a better day than yesterday.' oh boy. im still bored. the semester is simply bored me to death. there's only one module and everyday is the same old boring lesson which is totally a lullaby that would make everyone turns off. ptff! you imagine it. thought 6weeks of school would be fast but i guess i crawl through this 6weeks.

Know what?! even there's only a module but there's lots of assignments, assignments, assignments! God, spare me the time please. im so not looking forward for school with QC&A module, CDP & TPS character thingy. im rotting. everyday been a drag. not including my friends-lah. they are the best. (:

now, there's CDP assignment deadline that we have to rush to next Thur. Phase test 2 next Tue. Class test 2 the next Fri. argh! datelines, datelines, datelines...

then i shall proudly say : 'bye my school, time for attachment.' lol. heehee.

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Life isn't long enough to let one person keep you down.
You have to keep going strong for the people that you're holding up.

♥ today's friday. (: (: glad you will be out of camp. but sadly, you got a function to attend. take good care of yourself and remember what i've said alrite. hehe.. i'll be waiting for the crazy talk and everything that happen during the function tonight. *grin.

[PS: ALL THE BEST to my ex-beau, Fadhli for your A-levels examinations. i just know you could do it. you are smart in your ways, friend.]

2008-11-04T23:10:00.001+08:00

♥ oh sunshine. i guess my lyfe now is turning to be better. dont know why. i dont know what am i thinking. confuse. but im sure am smiling now. back to myself which long been lost. just end my chatting moments with someone. only i know. laugh, smile, grin, tease lyke one hell. you really know how to bring the best out of me. now i shall sleep with ease. nytes sweets.

2008-11-03T22:10:00.002+08:00

life's definitely goooooooood for me especially my weekends...
*lalaaa... (: (:

friday- after so long of waiting. finally IA placement is finalise. im being posted to PACIFIC MARINE AQUATIC PTE LTD. my job scope is to do water testing and maintaing of fish tanks. i guess, im handling fishes again. sigh. and playing with all those water samples. heehee. luckily im going with a buddy. that will be BEN. (: we go together,kay. all the way from the west to the east. haahaa. im thankful that the company provide free lunch, tea break and transport from Pasir Ris. save a bit of income. -_-

saturday- out with my junior's bro, herself and her boyfie. the initial plan was to head for lunch at vivo. then to somewhere that never been to. i have no clue on where it was exactly. search high and low on the road for that place only to know, it was so near to where before. till now, i have no idea how to say it. dont ask. we really smile, laugh and shout our nites out. it was good though having to spent the night chilling with them. we talked about every single thing that we felt like to. gossips after gossips till we realise we've been such a moron to one another. haahaa. it was sure great fun.

sunday- went out with bestie Alif. its really been awhile. haahaa. 'busy NS kate-kn. ptff.' initial plan was to go out to town but somehow, last minutes somethings just got cock-up. then we totally have no clue where else to go. so we end up just wondering around. here-there-everywhere. haaaha. even so, we had a great tyme. we settled on a spot and spent the rest of the night talking away. heehee. you just know how to keep me smiling (:

2008-11-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

its tyme: memories are just memories.

tyme flies. im moving on with my life

i've moved on. at times i feel so hopeless and stupid cos i care about you when i shouldn't be. as far as i know, everything has ended. ended. fullstop. i wish i'd snapped me back to reality long ago. because you are just like a fantasy. and everyone knows fantasies are not real. but i'm glad that realise it finally, i want to be able to walk through. eventhough it's been hard but i shall go through this alone, to succeed and be someone. because, i am who i am. with or without you,dear one. may you find happiness in someone else. hope she show you the light of happiness i've never shown. i'm always here praying. being with you was an experiences. now, im done. lurving my lyfe and surely moving on. no doubts.

2008-10-30T22:00:00.006+08:00

life in school this week.. lets start with...

281008- had phase practical test. phase test was ookkayy. i guess. the questions was pretty alrite? only that everyone was rush for oppotunities to answer the question that they were familiar with. i had my chance. upon answering i was pretty jam but still alrite. i mumble lots. was really sick that day. my voice sound lyke !#$!%. urgh! i need to repeat most of my answer to the teacher. hopefully, marks wasnt affected. *finger cross. but at least the whole group did well. (: thats what most important rite?

291008-yesterday. the day was patheticly boring. initial plan was to accompany idah to buy her desire bag at HEEREN after school. but instead i bought myself a bag too. cant resist it. it was so nice-lah, i just cant get my eyes of it. haahaa. it cost quite a boom. but still worth it. i lyke it. so i wont whine. furthermore, its my money. plus, when i each home, mom lurving it too and she gave me a refund of 50% of what the actual price cost. sayang ibu. mwah! now, apul, idah and me got the same bag but with different design. (will take a shot of it soon. pretty-pretty.) know what? thats the thing i hate about going shopping. whatever things that look nice to me, i will definately will have the desire to buy it. whats more when i've got cash with me. but as usual, i will definately think before buying whether it was worth it and do i really need it. it will take lots of tyme to decide. but who cares, now ive bought it and definately lurving it. (: but if i didnt have the cash with me and thinks it's still worth buying, i'll save up and bought it sooner or later. (: (:

301008- napha 2.4km run. running 2.4 is really tiring. imagine, running under the hot sun at 2pm. *my oh my. furthermore,i've not been training. not only training, the real fact is i've not been running too. so everything is lyke totally unprepared. im totally not prepared. evenso, i manage to finish all 6 rounds without giving up. even at certain point of tyme i feel lyke it. especially the 5th and 6th round. thats when i really have to start walking at certain areas. short walks okayy. i manage to continue running without stopping for the first 5 rounds. it's totally mind over matter rite? if you believe in it, why not? so yea! thumbs up to myself (:
but somehow, im just not happy at some things. okay-lah. not pointing this to anyone. it's basically somethings in general. im here not to say anything, but the people who record the timing is lyke ~~one shitt!~~ ~~(basically, coz' it's not the teacher who wrote it.)~~ i could understand that if those of the people who are running and finish all their 6 rounds and you want to pass them slightly away from their passing cut off, i dont mind to it. there's at least there's a bonus to their efforts. but somehow, its lyke wtf! even those who quits half way, not even completing the 6 rounds got the same previllege. pass them so high. imagine passing them away from the passing cut off! even if they close one eye and just pass them at the passing rate, i wouldnt mind. at least they too pass. so both benefits. but not until to the extend of passing them at par of those who has completed the whole 6 rounds. if thats the case, it's lyke wasting the efforts for those who has completed all the rounds. better off they also quits half way, they will still get to pass away from the passing rate too. im basically not here to whine and mumble. ~~but at least use your bloody head. for goodness sake.~~ not to say that im proud that ive completed the whole 6 rounds. i also want those who quits half way to pass. but not till to the extend-lah. there's still need to be a point of some fairness somewhere. ptff! enuf said. i shall say no more, or else, it will be a full of whining here. urgh!!

back home, my body are definately aching. my muscles are definately cramp-ing. im definately damn tiring. and know what's interesting, i've even got 5 blisters on my feet thanks to all those runnings and of coz' to the shoe who cause it. danm! i definately need my rest now. nytes my earthlings.

[PS: tomorrow will be the results on where i will get posted for attachment officially.]

2008-10-26T20:00:00.005+08:00

Ex boyfriends, are like an old pair of shoes.

You know that you don't need them anymore,

but somehow, you need that extra tyme to really get totally rid of them.

im surely enjoying my SINGLEHOOD lyfe. thanks to you, my ex-beau. its been already coming to 3 months im living my lyfe without you. and im still strong, moving forward to new lyfe. time will heal slowly. so dont give me the attitude. you have really hurt me enuf. who i want to be friends/how im heading my lyfe now, its totally my business. you could no longer control it. your tyme has long end. you are ONLY a friend now. fullstop. just as a casual friend. coz' nothing will bring us to what we are before. we are just two different people now, you just have to admit it. Furthermore, im definately moving on too.

You see me and you know I am not the same.

Can't pretend to just fake a smile,

'cause you know I feel every ounce of pain.'

***

You fall in love with someone because of the tilt of his smile, or because he could make you laugh, or in this case, because he made you believe, but now, after everything, you hope/wish if one thing hadn't happened, a whole set of things never would have either?

Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes, that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same.

teaching my two primary school siblings to get prepared for their maths examination next week has been really a pain in the ass. not that they are not able of doing. but they are just simply lazy upon reading those instructions given before every questions/ those long passages for word problems. they simply just focus on the numbers given. and that cause my mom and myself turned into 'a tarzan' in the house. while my dad just shook his head, looking at us. but still im the good one, of coz'. i dont move my hands to hurt them. not to say, my mom would.*laaalaa. no comment. but what really irritate me most is careless. i know, no one could avoid it. but why cant a simple subtraction, they cant just do it perfectly. at tymes, they would just forget to carry the 1 after borrowing. they been doing it ages. one question wil be perfectly fine while another which is totally similar, except the sentence structure would just coz' them to make mistakes. who one earth just doesnt gets angry. you know what i mean. argh!

but looking at them now just makes me remember those tymes when i was little. those tymes when mom just sat beside me to scream and shout due to my mistakes, asking me to do and mend my mistakes. making sure i do it perfectly and understand it till i cried endlessly. haish! those tymes. -_- evenso, im somehow still feeling the pinch when my little ones got scolded that way, but i guess it is just for their own best. (:

[**see-ing them scoring high, achieving those stars, will just make me smile. STUDY HARD SIBLINGS!]

2008-10-25T22:00:00.007+08:00

QC&A test sucks big tyme. this tyme, i would really cross my fingers tight to pass. basically, all thanks to my last minute revison till 12am. still i cant manage to cover all 9 chapters. gee~ its only the 2nd week of school re-open lah. my gears are still not functioning fully. so mostly, i simply just answer the questions using common sense not referring to any text. hopefully it makes sense and score me some marks. *finger cross!

and thanks to the 'mushroom' talk. i cant go home early. in the actual fact, after the test, all of us could go home. that is at 10am. imagine, waiting period of 3 hours for just a 'mushroom' talk. ptff! no idea what's related to my course. but for attachment placement sake, most of us went for it. so i just waste my tyme meeting frenzy, Fadzly while others of my clan decided not to go since they have valid reason of werking. he fetched me up at school then off having breakfast and a nap. gosh! by then, im totally exhausted. went to the library for my nap before heading school for CCA and talk. luckily, the talk only last for 2hours. phew!

since the day was so pathetically boring, im so totally looking forward to meet my darling bestie, Syafiq after school. (:

after school. let's update shall we?? im dying to post this entry. thanks to you my darling bestie, Syafiq. (: you just make my world shine. i've long lost and miss being this bubbly girl and there, you manage find it for me. even its for awhile. its for just being with you. but thanks, its worth it.

now...

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. heehee. jk-jk. bluekz. :P

meeting you yesterday(friday) was just fantastic, bestie. you know, i know. thats enuf. the day was just full of laughter, smiles, giggles etc. wishing everyday would be the same. just lyke those night calls. you really know how to bring all the misery and thoughts away. hahaa. that's what a 'bro and sis' for rite? knowing you for 7 years now, since those secondary school level has been a real blessing. i really thank GOD for that. (: (:

it's really been a while since we last met. since your NS break this tyme will be longer, hopefully, we will meet again real soon. im sure missing the moments now. so do you, rite? that explains our endless messages. heehee.

nothing's changed between you and me.

we're exactly how we're meant to be.

I'm still the way that I've always been.

and you, you're still the one and you've always been.

:) :) :) :)

last but not least, im sick. my heads are spinning, my nose are definately leaking and i sound lyke #$!@#. urggh! i just hate being sick.

2008-10-22T21:00:00.007+08:00

oh well, wondering bout how's school? its been already a week. gee~ school had been patheticly boring. especially with all the boring lectures due to draggy voice-like lullaby which is such a total turn off. what's more with only one module. die-die must also lyke the subject. ptff! thought 6 weeks of school will be fast. but wth! i guess, its gonna be a long and draggy one. thank god, i have my darling friends around to make my day a great one. (:

i dont know what's your motive are. but oh well, give me a break. okay, maybe as a friend you are still concern asking questions. even so your gf said we are no longer friends. argh! forget it. im not going to argue anymore. ptff! ive long left it behind me. but some of your questions are just meaningless. why you still want to know who am i still contecting with? its my life now. im happy with it. so stop giving me that look when i answer 'yes' to your question that im still contecting with those people that you dislike im being with. furthermore, they are my friends. at least im glad they are always there with me regardless whatever. unlike you, your words are just words. they are meaningless. my friends that you dislike and i might be close, but that what we are. we know our limits. only at a different stage. only between us will understand not you. you are no one to judge them.

yea. maybe during that period being with you, you may control me to leave a distance between them. but now you can no longer. now, then i could see, only they are my real friends. no matter how things go, we are still able to sort things out and be okay. there's never a drift between us.

so, i dont need that look from you. i know how to handle my life.

im very happy with my life being single now. i dont need a man, especially you, who just pretend you care. gee~, just give me a break. im glad enuf to have friends lyke all of them to make my day through..

[ PS: i really appreciated that we are still friends and talk in school. plus, trying to make that kinda look as everything normal. oh well, evenso we tried, everything still seems different. you know, i know.. shuts. :x ]

the past is strapped to our backs.

we do not have to see it; we can always feel it.

what you need to know about the past is

that no matter what has happened,

it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.

and this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. (:

2008-10-21T22:50:00.006+08:00

oh well, i received a confession from someone yesterday. after so long, finally. haahaa. my persuasion succeed. it was really nice to have long long chats with you. somehow, you brings all my miseries, thoughts away. i laugh, grin, giggle all my nights out with you. till at a point of tyme, we look at the clock and realise its nearly one. thats explains the eye-bag i got today. but who cares, i love that night. hoping every night would be the same. talking about those memories, those tymes. awh! remarkable. its been so long and yet we remember. haahaa. *cute huh?

whatever it is, we have agreed to somethings. and yea, both of us are totally afraid of one thing similiar. thinking of it, what you and i say was true. that factor was really one of our fears. even at certain point of tyme we know it will never come true but still.. coz' whatever we did/do, we will still end up finding each other. just lyke a brother and a sister. heehee. oh well, at least we know some truth. im sure missing you. and you do too. just lyke you said. we'll meet up soon. ♥♥

PS: dont work yourself too hard. you will be sick soon if you do so. having bad headache is bad enuf. im worried. do takecare alrite. -_-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not forgetting my sick friends...

my bestie dear weiyang has just discharged from hospital. due to some operation. only i know. heehee. do rest well ya and cure soon. eat your medicine,kay. remember you have miss so much in school.. need to catch up 'liao'. :) :)

my bestie zameer, rest well so you will be cured soon. 'tgk bawah tau bile turun tangge'. walk slowly. dont push yourself too hard alrite. :)

May you guys cure soon.

2008-10-20T20:30:00.002+08:00

oh hell, give me a break. dont give me that look. if you are wondering why, im changing. dont trouble yourself searching for answers too far off. it's just near you. coz' the answers is within you. you know it. clearly know it. furthermore, im not changing that much, it's just that you have not seen this side of me. now, who cares. im basically me. being myself. all these while i believe you knew what you would be doing. Or should I say, SHOULD be doing. but sometimes, i just hope you just think about it, if you were me, how would you feel? It's the proximity. i'm certainly unsure. furthermore, its your decision. and im lurving my lyfe now, so who cares. i am just tired of being the nice one and yet ending me at the losing end. great,isn't it? Ahh yes. it doesn't pays to be kind. but i merely had enough. enough of all your doings. letting you have complete & utter control over me. im no longer that weak. furthermore its my life. IM CERTAINLY MOVING ON! slowly.

2008-10-19T21:00:00.001+08:00

yesterday raye-ing with my ite peeps was great. the peeps consists of huda, anash(huda-bf), ghazali, norvianti(ghaz-gf), umar, sasha(umar-gf), hannah, jamal(hannah-bf), idah, asnor(ex-beau) and myself. i've decided to bring ex-beau along since my friends have been asking. my friends are once his friends too. i couldn't deny the fact that the outing was so much fun but nothing compared to by secondary clan. hehe. no offence. :) but i will still lurve you guys alrite. no doubts. it's just that it's less happening. hehee. even there's still some crazy moments. but surely, its memoriable. i'll miss you guys when we graduate.

[PS: pictures wil be updated as soon as i've receive them.]

not forgetting..

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY TO MY LIL' SIS; SRI HAZWANI !!

look how much you have grown lil' sis. you are 7years old now. hope you like what i've bought for you and what the whole family had plan. :) kamisemuasayangkankamu. remember to always study hard alrite. make mama, papa and kakak proud. we know you are smart and could go even better. hope you had a blessful birthday.

2008-10-17T17:10:00.007+08:00

im fairly just at home today. skip school. woke up in the morning and see the world turning, im just sick. having slight fever and headache. argh! just hate to be sick. that means i miss 4hours of lecture. thinking test next week. i'l be dead.

staying home just bored me. all i could do is watch tv, blog, sleep, eat. plus finishing up my assignment. heehee. what's more when you have your mom nagging to eat your medication. medication? yucks! i hate it. simply hate it. those awful taste. yucks! okie, maybe for my mom i eat one in the morning. for the rest, i try to escape. hoping, i feel better tomorrow so i could go raye-ing with the ite peeps. *cross-finger.

im still feeling those aching muscles on my body. ptff!

not forgetting, im still having insomnia. unless im really tired lyke yesterday which i totally fall flat as soon as im on bed. oh! give me a break.

eventhough im sick, mom still bought for me Macdonalds for dinner just like everyone else.. ahh! i miss drinking coke. hehe. yea! mom's treat for everyone. :)

sometimes somethings...

you never get over it, but you get

to where it doesn't bother you so much.

2008-10-17T01:45:00.002+08:00

things are so different now, you are so different, its as if i don't even know you at all. we did talk but not lyke always, we exchange glance but not smiles. even at tymes you did, sometimes, i pretend i dont see it. i just dont want to be anymore hurt. i had enuf. im slowly healing. i realised everything is not the same as it is before but sometimes, its hard to swallow the painful facts. three first day of school, you been missing. my feelings are clear. just see-ing you yesterday on your first day of school, make those feeling rush. i thought ive succeed moving on totally, but i guess, i need more tyme than that to really get things over. who ever say moving on is easy. dont know why, but it is just that i just misses the old us. not when we are together but when we are friends. close friends. not that i was hoping. im no longer did. swear. but your actions just makes me wanna hate you. you know i never could but wth! coz' the more i hate, the more i can feel myself. feel myself going down & down. Oh why oh why? but if thats what you want, that i'll play the same game.

i now dare to say this to you.

I'm strong. I am able to overcome this without you.

i dont need you. especially your sympathy.

2008-10-16T23:50:00.004+08:00

i know ive been on hiatus for quite sometime. forgive me. its just that lots of things had been happening and i didnt get the chance to write all about it. but now, im permanently back. i hope. hehee.

now, lets summaries everything.

thursday [091008]- suppose to be raye-ing with my buddies(1), but somethings just pop out so we finally cancel it. -_- boo-boo. ): i guess we have to wait next year then.

friday [101008]- went for cca meeting at school from 11am- 1pm. so far that the shortest holiday meeting. if not, it always ends late. ptff! didnt know what gets into Mr Oliver mood, but hey, everyone's happy since we were able to go home early. *laalaa.

but since its too early and im already out. decided to meet up with my dearest friend, Fadzly. he has been asking me out umpteen times, but i aint got the tyme. 'busy katekan. haahaa.' he came all the way down and fetched me then off to Sim Lim. must be wondering why of all the other places there? the only reason is that he wants me to accompany him to purchase two lappy for himself. donno for what reason he needs two. dont ask. after that, went for lunch, chats and home.

saturday [111008]- raye-ing with my secondary school mates was really fabulous and a blast. gosh! i just miss the whole lots of atmosphere. miss them all. when we 1st met, its lyke everyone has change. but still our crazy character remains. sure was really memoriable. cant deny, secondary school tymes was the best. haahaa. planning was great too. thanks to Mazni and Firman. we travel my a car, a van and a bike. thanks to the transportation, we manage to save all the travelling time by public. we manage to cover all of the houses that were available by 11pm. total of 11 houses. needless to say, it was fun with all the jokes and everything. food after food, which got me totally bloated. haahaa.

**us- at the last house. ♥

ps: more pictures will be updated after i've received them. :)

monday [131008]- SCHOOL RE-OPEN! yea!. im missing my darlings at school already. was sure happy to meet them all. :) thought this semester would be more relax since there's only 1 module for 6 weeks before attachment. but wth! after knowing the time table, i decided to take back my words. i want-want-want more holidays. (view timetable)and wanna know, what's more interesting? its only been the first week at school and there's already assignments.. and its dateline is next week. lyke hello, im still in holiday mood. ptff.
but thank god. school have been ending early this week. :):)
manage to meet up my darling friend, Zameer on Monday and Wednesday. catching up those lost tymes. hahaa. imy. ♥♥

wednesday [151008]- yea. 2 weeks done. now darling bestie Syafiq has landed Singapore from Taiwan. haahaa. he landed at 8am. as usual, when he has reached, he texted me. ♥ :):) amin, he has safely landed. have a good rest. once you are free, we shall msg again.
** (dont stress-stress ya. you know i know.)

thursday-*today [161008]- worst day of the week. school starts at 8am, ends at 6pm. ptff. this tyme, it really ends at 6pm. argh! sport and wellness is so damn tiring. deserve me rite-lah? long tyme never do running. haha. need to run 4 rounds around the school track, then off to practice standing broad jump and sit ups. never mind standing broad jump, sit ups (girls)- must at least achieve 25 in 20secs. ptff. cramps. then lastly, cool down, 5 rounds around carpark. lyke wth! im halfly dead lah. need to go on exercising already. i starting to miss my yoga lessons. thanks to that, all those muscles are so so the aching now. felt so weak and restless. i think im gonna be sick soon.
what could be worst? NAFA for 5 stations will be next week during sports and wellness lessons. argh!!

2008-10-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

i get unwanted feelings at usually the wrong time..

take for example, yesterday night... i don't know what came to me. i guess, it's all the feelings that i've cooped up for a very long time. it bugs me and i keep brushing it away. maybe, just maybe...

you know when you've tried your hardest but you are not being appreciated, you just let go. move on silently, slowly. since you know you dont belong else where and it was the other one whom he holds on too, you silently cry. for all these, there is a reason why. even if your hardest wasnt the best for for him.

only you know who it feels like. no one else.

2008-10-07T14:30:00.010+08:00

argh!! having insomnia these days is just killing me. i simply just hate it. ptff! its just so hard to get myself to sleep. even at tymes when my body is super damn tired and really wanted to knock off but i still cant get to sleep. i keep on toasting, turning around the bed. even if i had the chance, it will definately will not be a peaceful princess sleep. at a certain period something will just kept me waking up. then i will end up toasting again. ptff!

thanks to that insomnia disease, there's a light shade of eyebag underneath my eyes. argh!! it's just so irritating. i want to get rid of that. but luckily im not feeling restless, there's still some energy within me.

on 4th October, i miss raye-ing with my buddies(2); audi, hasif, farah, wati.
had to raye with my family to cover up my mother side since we havent gone to any. cant escape coz' none of my mom side have seen the family. so i decided to just forgo the outing with them. no other choice. furthermore, its stil the 1st week, so ive got no excuse. maybe next year. -_-

kinda bored this days just being at home. daddy have started werking, so no more raye-ing this weekdays. i guess now its tyme for my family to be at home waiting for people to come. haahaa. since all the important relatives from both of my parents side had been covered. :) looks lyke, we seems to be quite fast this year. oh well. no comment.

i guess for now, i will be looking forward raya-ing,schooling with my fellow darlings friends this and next week..

my schedule will be as follow:-
thursday- raye-ing with my buddies(1) finally meeting again.
saturday- raye-ing with my secondary school mates, missing my ngoms.♥
*monday- school re-open. yeah!! cant wait. imy you,darlings-lah thats why.♥ ♥
next saturday- raye-ing with my ite mates.

PS: wonders. how next semester time-table will be lyke?

2008-10-06T22:00:00.006+08:00

it's full of surprises. and im shocked.

shockingly, just minutes ago, my previous previous previous long ex-beau called my home.. its really been a long long long ages while. he said luckily i was the one picking his call up. lyke huh? after so long you still remember my house phone. he said he tried calling my previous hp number a few times through the years and months before this but it was inactive. that was then before he really got the courage to call my house phone today. hahaa. that hp number i've lost it long ago lah. ptff! shockingly but true. at first i totally couldnt recognise voice, until he said out his name, asking do i remember. after a long silents then i did. gosh! i've long lost your contects and everything. imagine.. and he still remembers me. hahaa.

this ex-beau of mine i know him when i was coming in secondary 2. inbetween secondary 1 and before seconday 2. during that tyme i was just going to be 14. we lost contact ever since i got attached. not totally during that tyme, still friends until he lost his hp and i lost mine. hahaa. whereas only now, he is able to get through. now im 19 and he is already 28, married with a 2 months old babyboy. hmph! get married also never invite me. he claimed he wanted if he get through my previous hp number. haahaa. at last he did get married. haahaa. i asked what's his purpose since he is already married. not that im being rude or what-so-ever. but...' taknk ganggu rumah tangge org katekn, tk baik.' he just claimed to ask how am i doing? okie we chat for awhile. talking about how his married life now, his werk, my school, my life etc.. casual talks. but he seems to be shocked to hear that im not in any kind of relationship now. hahaa. relationship tough. i guess im better of being single now. have yet to really settled down. furthermore, all my darlings friends are all around me. he advise me to continue studying if i could coz' werking and married life is tough. hahaa. who say i want to get married so soon. its still a long-long way. thanks though for the advise. i'll take note. :)

haahaa.. after so long..

i still cant believe it. in moments of shock.

may you last long with your beloved wife :) :)

2008-10-06T17:30:00.005+08:00

i guess everyone will be having Hari Raya fever now. of coz' lyke duh! except those who are having their examination. haha. its alrite. suffer a bit longer, enjoy later darlings. you will have no regrets. :)
no doubt, i'm enjoying my hari raya now. even so, it is simply the same-same old thingy. nothing much. normal. asking forgiveness, eating those cookies, yummy traditional dishes, green packets etc. im still entitled for green packets. *grin. heehee. but still im lurving those families meet ups. see-ing those cuzzies, aunty uncles who we hardly meet. those lil' kids who celebrate their first hari raya this year, who have really have grown up cuter and see how much they have really grown. OMG! not forgeting those smiles, chats etc. i just lurve that atmosphere. we hardly get that kinda of atmosphere these days. once in a years, why not. hehee.

i rarely took pictures this year coz' my camera sucks. meaning there's no family photos. ptff! hopefully, the camera will be alrite already when im going out with my secondary and ite peeps. for now, i guess i only depends on my hp camera. that means i cant take lots of pictures. due to space constraint. heehe. im so pathetic...

2nd Octorber was the release of result, its was also the 2nd day of Hari Raya. people getting green packets (ka-ching) while im getting an extra gift, results slips. hahaa. erm, how do all my dearest friends did? hmm.. i guess it should be fine. mine? okie-la. as expected. hehee. -_- -_-

at the same tyme not forgetting...

CONGRETS CONGRETS TO MY COUSIN, FIRMANSYAH UPON PASSING YOUR TP ON THAT DATE!!

see-see with the prayers of ur gf, cousins and friends, you manage to pass :) not forgetting your hard werk too. guess this year, i'll will be hari raya-ing with my secondary peeps with our own transport. hehee. a van + a car :)

2008-09-30T20:00:00.003+08:00

imagine, tomorrow its Hari Raya already. yea. tyme flies. it also means 30days of fasting done. being at home today is just so so busy. with all those last minutes preparations going on. there's still fun and laughter. thats family bonding. even it's being so the 'kecoh' but its sure great. the atmosphere is felt around the air. whats more with my little siblings jumping and singing those hari raya songs. hahaa, arent they just adorable. lurve them. even when at tymes, im at my lowest, they are always there cheering me. hugs. helping mom to cook all that yum-yum dishes is sure tiring and it sure keeps making my stomach growling. *puasa, puase, sabar iRa. hahaa. going to kenduri later under the void deck. that means, im see-ing that childhood mat. heehee. *evil me. he gonna get it from me this time. ptff! bluekz.

even mom and me seems busy but we still find the tyme to get our home facial mask done. facial therapy. ooh.. i just need that. relaxation moments. hehee. my lil' sis join us too. cute huh? :) :) she too had her hand done henna-ing thanks to me. mine? i guess, i do manicuring this year. by myself as usual.. hehee.

bestie buddy Syafiq has already left Singapore to Taiwan this morning. he texted me as usual. we even manage to ask for each other forgiveness like every other years. only this tyme round, its in advance. :) hoping he have a safe trip thru and fro. will be hearing from you when you get back,141008. take good care of yourself.. Happy Raya-ing at Taiwan.

last but not least,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!

(to all my friends and whoever knows me)

' tiada pun seorang di dunia ini yang sempurna. semua tahu manusia tidak pernah lepas dari kesilapan. dari pada kesilapan lah kita dapat mempelajari sesuatu yang baru. lalu sempena hari yang mulia ini, ira ingin menyusun 10 jari dan meminta maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke kaki kepada semua jikalau adanye berlaku salah dan silap, terkasar bahasa selama persahabatan kite. semoga sekalian dapat memaafinye dengan ikhlas. oleh itu, ira berharap syawal ini akan sentiasa penuh dengan ceria. :) '

-salam ikhlas,iRa.

PS: since hari raya is tomorrow, i guess my test results will be nearing too. butterflies.

it's just the day after hari raya...

2008-09-29T22:00:00.012+08:00

TWO more days to HARI RAYA! yea.
i could just feel it. the songs, atmosphere is just everywhere. wohoo..
i guess im celebrating it alone again. alamak, cam tk biase gitu lak. hahaa.

went geylang with my dearest family on weekends. yohoo.. lyke finally. hahaa. now i could feel the MERIAH! but suddenly feeling restless there with all the mats and minahs there. argh! but my siblings seems excited too upon this event. happy to receive those lots green packets, wearing nw clothings etc. oh well, they been successfully fasting for a month didnt they? eventhough at first was challenging to them.

CONGRETS to my siblings.

accidentally bump onto bestie Syafiq at geylang. mom seems to be happy see-ing him. hahaa. normal. she even got the tyme to tease him. hahaa. too bad this year would be raye-ing with him during 'jalan raye' with friends. he will be off to Taiwan tomorrow. kesiannye. tu lah kate abang-abang NS. mlm-mlm raye dah takde dengan keluarge. Happy Hari Raya-ing at Taiwan. :) :)

things are so different now. everything just seems different. boy, your actions just making me hate you. maybe you know i never could. but you get me all wrong. I COULD. and maybe that whats you want and its for the best. so be it. i wont be at the losing end. we make friends all the tyme. just get your stuff out of my rooms. and i shall return your dearest necklace back. you once ask me to keep it even i insist of giving back.. now its for real. im really giving it back. even if you reject it. im not worth for it. you can give it to your dearest gf.

i may never have been the best, but i always tried to be the best for everyone.

a friend, a girlfriend, a bestfriend, a confidante and being a listening ear..

PS: about having insonmia. its worst than expected. still having it till now. darn. i need those sleep and rest for sure. didnt want to have those eyebags for the special occasion. *laalaaa.

2008-09-28T22:50:00.001+08:00

im tired. you, your gf or your friends may be reading this. but i dont give a damn. im no longer keep quiet for your sake.

to MS.you,

gosh! i thought everything would have settled. its already been a month pass now. my-oh-my. ONLY now then you want to get onto me. lyke wtf! ive left the situation long behind me. leaving without looking back. ive leave with no regrets of whatever thats been happen. just about one stuff, you are blaming me. there's isnt any wrong for me to call and ask him to take all his stuff back isnt it? why is he still asking me to keep it? and hey, for everything to happen it takes two hands to clap. you cant think that whatever happen is only due by myself. your dearest bf also play apart to make everything happened into reality. now you are saying, im lucky enuf that you have not been saying a word till now. hey, i think you are the one who is lucky coz' i never say a word to you about whats really been going on between me and him during those moments. what we did etc. if not, there would be more chaos. you have only been listening to his side of story, his friends etc. and not mine, now you are judging me. who is now that has to open their little eyes and see the real facts. im not saying im not a fault. i have my faults too. i admit that. but i just cant accept you only came about just to blame everything to me. im sorry that my words seems harsh and i know ive hurt you in so many ways previously. but i dont give a f***. im tired of this.

to MR.you,

i dont know what your intention are, seriously. ive already stop those feelings toward you. my feelings are numb. im moving on slowly. you threw me away from your life, like some kind of rubbish. saying you are different but i guess you are simply the same. but ive no regrets. ive accept everything that been happening. eventhough before we even start, ive already said to you, i dont want to get us into the relationship just becoz' you are pitying me. im able of coping my sorrowness with/without you. having you there beside me is good enuf. but you said you arent and sincerely loving me. remember?? okie, i take your words. but thats all lies isnt it. and when i noe, it ends, it hurts so much. i patiently heal my broken heart and im still moving on slowly. im not trying to tell the world how bad you are, i had my faults too. i noe. but i guess somehow, you need to stop all your excuses and lies to the another party. if you are brave enuf to get us into the situation. i bet you are brave enuf to face it even when you know you are at the losing end. sorry my words maybe harsh. may god bless you and your relationship with your girlfriend.

things are in a mess again. so were the situations. so were the feelings. so were the surroundings. it was inevitable. it just meant to be. and there's always reasons behind everything that happens.

life's unpredictable.. All you need is to be mentally and emotinally prepared... get that in mind.

2008-09-24T18:00:00.001+08:00

i guess i'm doing good. im moving on slowly. real slow. of course my life is far away from perfect. everyone knew that. -_- and i cant lie to myself that somehow, somewhere, sometime deep in me, i still feel those pains. pains-pain-pains. ptff. know whats worst?! lately im having insonmia. argh! enuf said.

2008-09-24T17:00:00.010+08:00

i know this is so random...

fasting month is already 3 weeks down. left 1 more week to go..
i haven't even been to geylang!!! not once this year. lame,i know....
but hadn't had the time to go, though. or purhaps no one been asking me.. ptff.
even so, i've got dates out when going 'jalan raye' with friends. wearing same colour.
haha. being cheeky. oh well. single lyfe. -_- -_- (im not the one asking for it)
but as usual darlings-darling besties frenzy wil be there for me. rite??
guess.. i'll be waiting for next weekend going with my dearest family.
yes... i'm already hearing deng dengs and geylang. hahaha!
it is still gonna be the same old, same old like it was,huh?
oh wells. still, it's always a must. make everything more MERIAH!!..

what's been happening....
(i'll keep everything short)
wednesday (170908)

went back to school for aquaculture meeting. meeting was as always draggy. haha. nothing more to expect. everything seems lyke always. except that i got a msg from one of my members saying that i was pretty that day after everything. huh? i was just wearing the club tee. duh! *roll eyes. and know what?! DIVING TRIP WAS CANCEL. due to some dangerous currents etc. so the school was afraid and withdraw from the activity. at 1st i was lyke WTF! ive plan out my months schedules and now after cancelling im totally free lah. some of us were pretty mad. especially my so-called 'bro',Aidil. chill alrite. its scary to see you that way bro. planned on finding a job but too lazy. whats more to expect. guess i'll be home helping mom with those cookies as well as being a part tyme child care assistance sending and fetching my lil' siblings from school. haahaa.
that also means i've got tyme to celebrate HARI RAYE!! yeah! im just into the mood. but thinking back. erm, i guess i will be more worried for my results. rumours been spread that maybe results will be out on the 2nd day of hari raye. wah! what a luck! ptff.

thursday (180908)

planned to berak-fast with my darlings frenzy. Audi, Hasif, Farah & Wati. meet up 5pm at lakeside mrt platform and proceed on to Vivo. had our break-fast, watch movie titled: MiRROR, window shopping, chills and home. movie was scary but it was a really nice show. everyone should watch it. at a point of tyme, i accidentally bite onto Audi's arm. sorie bro. so the scary lah. but he didnt mind though. hahaa. instead he lykes it when i squeeze onto him. and thanks for the jacket too. its lovely. appreciate it. nice choice. i wore it right away when he gave it to me. hehee. lots of sun, laughter going on. really enjoy the day. went home at 11.45pm.

(pictures enjoy..)

monday(220908)

i gave a new shade of colour and length to my hair today. smile-smile. totally lurving it. a combination of brown. base- dark brown with blonde highlight. :) thanks to someone. maceh. maceh byk2 kay. length is getting so long and its hot, so i've decided to give it a cut. but not too short. obviously.. you know me. now im feeling free. hahaa.. guess i'll be having my new look for this HARI RAYA season. :) :)
hmm... about school, erm, lets give it a try. see if its acceptable. i guess it is. i think so. but most prob, not. if its really not, haish. tak serik-serik iRa. haha...

PS: NOT FORGETTING...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BELATED TO SURITNO, ADVANCE TO exbeau ASNOR, ADVANCE-ADVANCE TO exbeau FADHLI & ADVANCE-ADVANCE-ADVANCE TO exbeau HADI!!
hope you guys have a fruitful lyfe ahead and a wonderful day. takecare. :)

BTW im addicted to this song now...
all thanks to huda.. hahaa. :)

2008-09-22T01:00:00.002+08:00

the 22ND...
THATS WHEN EVERYTHING ENDS...

all shattered to pieces.
just missing those moments.

2008-09-16T18:00:00.002+08:00

all things happen for a reason.. but time together will tell the differences later.

eventhough time doesn't always heal. it just breathes and swallows memories.

there are some things which you just can't let go of. like love, friendships and things that tied you down. and of course, for me, it has always been hard. no matter how i tried, it all came down to a simple thing. which is why, it explains that i'm in a mess.

i just wish i could run away from this life. reality.

coz' there comes a time in your life, where you feel like giving up. and in mine, that is this time. where i could feel nothing but pain. a pain that i guess will be there for years, been bruised again and again. even when ive numb those feelings. it's time i really let myself find the pain and let go of it completely, slowly...

all becoz' i had enuff of being empty, empty, empty and real emptiness. that's what i felt, now.

oh, thanks to you...

it's never easy to get away from the past. we'll end up always find ourselves reminisce so much about it. i miss those times where i had a REAL life. but we had our moments. and thats enuff. i just want to be my own-self now. coz' what you have seen now is just not me. i WANT MY LIFE!!

2008-09-15T22:00:00.007+08:00

Gee.. PMS sucks. its already 2+pm then you come. ptff. without cramps, without signals... then suddenly just pufft! ive been fasting for the pass 8hrs lyke for nothing. why couldnt you just come earlier. let me eat earlier lah.. or better still come after break-fast. no point whining. its already here. mom just smile and laugh at me knowing that i've surrender. ptff. ptff. -__-

i guess i'll miss terawih this week. taking care of those kids. hahaa.

on the otherhand, i guess i could skip 'sahur'. yahoo! that means more sleeping hours. *lalaaa.

sigh-sigh-sigh!! started making 'kuih' already. people's orders, ours, granny's. ptff! lots... need to give a hand to my mom a little. i guess.

ppiiisst... know what? got to know that frenzy Audi bought me a trendy jacket when he's off shopping at Malaysia last weekend. haha. 'org gi saner beli baje raye dier sibuk beli lain lak.' haahaa. thanks buddy. i did say you dont need to buy me anything but you still did. lyke you said, if there's anything attracts to your eyes, you will buy for me. thanks lots. appreciate-appreciate-appreciate it lots. syg kamu. next tyme dont kay. i dont know when i will have the tyme to buy for you anything if i went overseas. grinn.

i just hate this feeling..

i miss you terribly, if only you knew.

every once in a while, i still shed my tears.

even though its so different now, but i still felt you right here.

im just missing you... just missing. no other feeling. i've numb that.

2008-09-14T16:10:00.001+08:00

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there, are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength, to just let go...

a'aahh!! how i wish my weekend could be longer or even better simply everyday would be a weekend.. *hahaa. coz' im finally out. lyke FINALLY!!

saturday- in the morning, im just pissed. my hp kept ringing while im still asleep. argh! why cant they just give peace when im sleeping. *ptff. force myself to wake up with 4 msges and 3 miss calls. after replying and answering back to them, i bought myself to sleep. imagine that! guess what, i woke up at 2pm. siak, tdo tak ingat dunia, bukan nye nak bangun. ptff. then evening, ive been out to meet my darlink Sasha and Umar. guess where? to the mosque. cute or what? hahaa. this is for real, kay. no jokes. went to mosque at Bishan for some youth thingy. everything start around 5pm. so we obviously must reach earlier that rite? the youth thingy was alrite. not bad. interesting though. what's great i've learnt somethings new too. *laalaa. then waited for break-fast and pray plus terawih. imagine, jurong gurl went all the way to Bishan. hahaa. lyke people always said, 'if you got the will, there's a way.' :) but there's one thing that i think i dislyke. kat masjid pun ader jgk mats nk kacau. not only to me but Sasha too,kay. im also not that pretty. lyke all of the other places. why? argh! ptff. ignore that. terawih with Sasha was great. there's a more young and lively atmosphere, you know. at least this tyme i go terawih with friends of my age. rather than always with my mom and her cliques. hahaa. i'll get lazy too. :x

sunday- going out with darlink bestie Alif later to break-fast. lyke finally able to meet him. hahaa. initial plan was to go break fast, go window shopping or watch movie. but it totally depends on later.
(added)
plan was plan. one of his friends 'pai-tau' us. nice one. hahaa. then we ended up breaking-fast at his house with mama coz' its kinda late already. afraid there wont be any space. safe resort to his house.. 'mama' was surprise to see me. its been a long tyme. i just smile. 'mama' said that ive gone thinner and prettier. i blush. 'mama' asked me to maintain this way. i looks perfect, she dont want me to gain or loose anymore weight. hahaa. i blush even even more. shy lah babe. all Alif did was to look at me with his grin. alamak. where to hide my face... malunye... in my mind was lyke.. 'i have?' to me im practically normal, what's more to my own mom: she's been saying, 'ive gone fat'. thanks ar mom. ptff.. hahaa. after break-fast, went window shopping then off to watch movie. 4bia. lyke finally i manage to watch it. nice show,scary but im always 'terperanjat'. lyke one baby. ptff. my day was great. went home at 11.45pm. thanks for everything darlink bestie Alif, sayang kamu. :) :)

** my darlink friends, dont get things wrong. im no longer dwelling about whatever happen. furthermore, i've accepted the fact everything happen. at the previous post, i just seems to miss coz' maybe of the date (120908). its exactly two months after my bday. the celebration is just so priceless. for this, these dates (10th, 12th, 21th) will be the most memoriable. take note. hahaa. lyke you will definately miss certain dates in your life didnt you? well, i had mine too. lyke i've always said, im moving on slowly. :)

2008-09-12T20:00:00.003+08:00

my holiday couldnt be anymore better..

BOORRRIINNGG!!! just being at home.

the comp just being so boring these days...

there i was, moving on slowly.. when i know for the fact that you never needed me anymore. really. no doubts. now ive no longer cry, no longer hoping. moving on and will not turn back. wont turn back! lesson learnt. but i still do care and misses you coz' you will always be my friend. my good friend. and friend will always care for each other rite? even you said that. missing will just be at random. *laalaa. but sometimes, whenever i see you, there's this incredible sense of happiness that i felt that i couldn't feel with anyone else. *sigh! slap myself, enuff eh! but on the other hand, sometimes i just felt lyke giving you a tight slap for everything. *argh! i guess, somethings about you just makes me cant forget about you. thats ~~Saiful Fitri B Amin.~~ one name that can never erase from my life. im going thru' this pain once again. this tyme i wonder how long will it take. -_-

SAY HELLO TO SINGLEHOOD LYFE!! :) :)
[even you once said to me, now its not the tyme for me to be in a relationship.
not that you didnt want to see, but you think, i just need the tyme alone. ptff!]
*im agree-ing to it.. even you dont say, i noe it.
I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

i donno why? ive succeed to forget about you for awhile but somehow, i just misses you today. even how hard i say to myself, i just dont want to. but i still misses you. *argh! looking those pictures, those moments. if i could, i just want to repeat those days. especially on 120708, my birthday. it really means alot. especially those sacrifices that you made. -_-

i dont only miss you. i miss your eyes. i miss your lips. i miss your hugs. i miss your mischievous act cum tease whenever you are with me. i miss your boxers. i miss the night with you. i miss calling you 'B'. i miss you calling me 'Dear', "Baby'. i miss your voice. i miss simply everything. including those moments with you.

i dont care if anybody out there reads this.

read if you wanna read, if not leave.

i just miss my exboyfr, got a problem with that!

he was ONCE mine too,kay.

eeeew.. i sound like a BITCH WITH A CAPITAL 'C'. ptff!

PS: didnt know what thunder strike my mom suddenly asking about you. asking when will you be breaking fast at my house.. yea. maybe usually since we known each other you have been breaking fast at my house except this year. so, i just shuts and smile. hoping my mom gets it.. -_-

2008-09-11T16:30:00.016+08:00

i did. i did stand for my rights this time. its my blog and i can say whatever i wanna say. believing or not its up to individual. i dont owe anyone to it. shockily, you texted me in the middle of the nite just for a favour? in the first place i dont know why, seeing your name appearing on my hp screen making me feel 'best' gitu. even its in the wee morning hours. but everything was just for a favour. ptff! SORIE this time, i cant grant your favour. maybe other favours, i may still consider. but THIS! oops. its just too ridiculous and superly fake! come on -lah, its fasting month, i cant simply lie for you. i didnt want to get my points cut, if you want to, thats your own business. furthermore if i do help (which i know i WONT. fullstop.), what do i get if i lie at my own blog. lying to myself regarding everything. hey, think again. everything would be so contradicting if i do that. what would my readers think of me. erm, any way, since when you ever think of me. its always been you in your dictionary, rite? i have feelings too, you know. im not being rude here. but you yourself knows it. you got yourself into lies, now you are out of excuses.. i guess this time, you gotta find a way out yourself. excluding me. enuff said.

(PS: since when you call me by name- 'irah', even we are friends before everything happen, you didnt call me by name. it would be either 'bestie', 'dear' etc. in those messages. oh, guess, i need to realise, somethings just have to change. ptff.)

(PPS: remember once you asked me to be decisive. im building that up now. now, im making my own decision. -_-)

i didnt went clubbing yesterday. got my reasons. furthermore, even if i did, it would be so the rushing. i need to be home by 'sahur', you know. *ptff. so much rush = no fun. decided to skip it. *hahaa. even its ladies nite :( bestie alif promise to bring me there another day. promise,kay.. i need not worry so much. he always keep his promise. rite bestie?.. *hehee. i'll be waiting for that day. glad you had fun at zouk. hmph! update me!!

darlink bestie syafiq is online today. weird but true. coz' usually this time, he would be busy werking. biase lah, NS army katekan. hahaa. he's online coz' he's on MC. alah, kecian sakit ye. duduk umah diam-diam. aru alik hospital agi. take a good rest alrite. dont work yourself so hard. chat with him online. guess he wont be celebrating Hari Raya in Spore. oh.. sad-sad. guess where will he be heading. TAIWAN! babe. imagine going there at these session. lyke he said, he's not there to njoy but to werk. even so, you get to feel the atmosphere there. remember to bring your favourite kuih makmur there alrite. dont sedih2. hope you will be back in town before our batch go out raye together. its been awhile since i've last met you. raye will do the trick rite?

** after knowing im back single. some of my darlink dearest guys friends that 'could consider-been waiting' did came approaching asking if they would make up a pair. hey, im just being single here. lyke duh! its only been a month. i've not even over with everything that i've been facing. i need the tyme to be my myself, move on, settle down etc. furthermore, being with someone doesnt totally mean i will get thru' this within a snap. till now, i will be lying if i dont care about him, not feeling hurt and totally move on. its NEVER been easy. guys may do it that way. but its a total 'NO' to girls. what you guys see are just on the outside. deep, i, myself only knew. no need to explain it to anyone. eyes could lie didnt they? i noe your intentions was nice. wanting me to be happy, joyful and bubbly once again. but i wont be the cheap girl to grap any new guy who passes by my life. i dont need a guy for now. just let things be. having you guys there being with me, go thru' with me is good enuff. sorie ive rejected. hoping you would understand?

im glad things were per normal even after this. you are still being yourself by msging/ caling me. but only yourself knew what you are feeling now. sorie.

i'll shall be having nasi ayam penyet today. mummy and my style. -_-

2008-09-11T14:30:00.005+08:00

i came across reading this at my friend-friend-friend's blog..

her friend recommended this to her and i found it interesting..

so saye pinjam ye.. :) :) :)

happy reading..

"Are girls really troublesome? Or boys can't treat them right? Screw them? Elaborate"

Screw boys. Screw men. What do they know about us? Nothing. Most of them Singaporean mats are lousy cheapskates. What I mean is, they always want the low-maintenance girlfriend. One that's easy to please. The type that would blindly do anything for their boyfriends. Pfft!

Eventually, when the girl gets tired and bored of the treatment, they ask for something different. And these mats, what do they do? IGNORE. Then the girls start to pester. What do they do? Scream at the girlfriends. Tell them that they are annoying, possesive, childish, etc. instead of finding pleasant solutions to shut their trap. That's why relationships don't last.

Girls aren't troublesome. They just deserve tender, love and care. That's just it. They don't need negligence and emotional, mental & physical abuse from boyfriends to add on to their family problem. The trouble with Malay guys in Singapore is that they're egoistic and ignorant. They think they're so mature and all. Like abang-abang like that la. Worse, there are those who beat their girlfriends into a pulp.

Girls appear troublesome because guys don't treat them right. Yeah!

2008-09-10T18:10:00.005+08:00

surprisingly, you text. upon this memoriable date saying you remember this date. saying you did all these coz' you dont want to see me cry again. saying you know what im going thru'. saying you will be there always for me. saying you want to see me happy again. saying you do miss me. especially those moments we shared...

WHY-WHY-WHY?? i simply dont get you? at a moment of tyme you say all these nice words to me, on the other hand, you let me go with all those silents? do you really mean what you said? or you are just saying for the sake of saying? how could you treasure it when you dont even treasure me? *ptff. do you really think by doing all this will make me stop crying? make me smile once again? *ptff. no. totally no. instead i cry more than what i did when everything happen. but dont worry even i did, i wont cry infront of you anymore. thankGOD now, i seldom coz' my tears had dried for you. i force myself hard to numb those feeling for you. i just had enuff of crying. enuff whining. enuff dwelling. enuff. get it! smiles? what you've seen is only on the outside. deep in me, ONLY GOD and myself knew what ive been thru'. how i fight those moments and what i really feel. now, im moving forward a step at a tyme.

i dont know what im feeling.

despite everything happen, you are still my friend,kay.

my GOOD friend.

and i dont want to make you my enemy.

i simply cant and you know it.

(but do me a favour, dont give me any of your hopes. coz' i may fall for it.)

i need to move on. im half way thru'.

darlink bestie ALIF has his POP today. yea! congrets. sorie-sorie-sorie i cant attend your function. but im glad you ask me out. guess where? clubbing.. hahaa. he promise to bring me there one day. biase lah cant go alone can,i? if i do, i get slap from darlink bestie alif, exbeau asnor and frenzy audi. hahaa. amazingly, the triple 'A'. i dont know if you do/dont care where im going. sorie. but then thinking,its still on pending, ive not decided to go or not. its fasting month you see. but i do want to enjoy your POP nite with you and your friends. hahaa. see how,kay bestie. lots of things to consider lah. :)

accompany my mom from woodlands to bukit gombak to jurong east then back home. and know what while waiting for the bus at bukit gombak, there's this muscle builder mat sitting next to me(other than my mom lah) looking and staring at me. lyke so the obvious, you already sit beside me, no need to look at me that way lah. *wah piang. mom keep nudging at me. i know. i know. and what's interesting, when the bus arrived he said 'bye' to me infront of my mom and smile. haha. shocking but cool. he is kinda good looking too. bla-bla-bla. mentel-mentel. haha.

** will be having bone steak during break fast today! yum-yum...

2008-09-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

i noe its 12.30am and im still blogging. suddenly i just have the urge to do so. things had been alrite so far. i guess. im still hanging on. still breathing. still kicking. still me. yea! i admit things has never been easy.

and know what's more interesting..

EXAMINATIONS ARE OVER!!! yea! lyke finally. thank GOD. no more fighting over those lethargic feelings. no more migranes. that also means no more migrane pills. *hahaa. im finally done! no comments about the paper. but it was managable. :) will just hoping the results will be fine later. *cross finger. praying hard. i guess, i'll be worried for my results for now.. *ptff. -_-

today the 10th will be the most memoriable day of my life. coz' today will be the declared date of ~~US.~~ i cried upon today's date. and i bet you wont. you be out there smiling and enjoying your day thru'. i still could clearly remember how everything starts. still remember those touch, those smiles, those warmth. everything. still remember how you look in my eyes, held my hands and said how sincerely you will always loved me. still remember you said im indeed very special to you. still remember how much you didnt want to lose me and you said i will always be yours in you. still remember how you misbehave whenever you are with me. still remember how much you want me. still remember you promise to take good care of me till the end. still remember you will to treasure everything that we've been thru'. still remember you said you miss me till now even after everything. i still remember, clearly remember. all those words. but now all has shattered. shattered to all sorts of tiny pieces. till i could ONLY remember and treasure it in mind. but i wont have any more tears to cried over it anymore. ive cried enuff. all these while ive been crying. days by days. weeks by weeks. now my tears has dried. those are just words. simply just words. words without any meaning.

i'll be lying if i said i dont miss him. to say im not hurt anymore. to say im done hoping. coz' i still am. but each day, im getting stronger. i'll move on with life and perished those moments. i had enuff saying sorry and to think of others before me. thinking of what they might feel while they dont even think about me. now its tyme for me to think about myself. coz' its my lyfe. i dont owe anyone for it. understand. dont blame me if my side of truth is out. i just cant let people to think differently of me anymore. thinking again, maybe not here. have learnt lots from my gfs, bfs and those who've been there for me. im not going to blame everything on him. i had faults too. i know that. but keep things in mind, for anything to happen- it needs two hands to clap. im surprise that i didnt shed much tears any longer but i cant deny, in me im still loving him. and he knows it. im moving on slowly...

enuff said. my weekends.

talking about weekends. im just home. fighting with those lethargic feelings whenever it comes to studying. it just make me sick. thank GOD now i no longer need to do that. *hahaa. its over!!

sunday- 'rewang' with my family under the void deck. as usual since its Ramadhan, the community around my area usually cooked porridge for the neighbours. everyone is able to take it for free. *lalaa. we have our own malay community. my dad was one of them since we are also one of the longest resident here. it helps to make bonds amoung the other neighbours. despite the new or the old-ies. it was fun to see us working together. see how much ive grown with all the other kids since we've grown up together. it reminds me of those old tymes during those kampung days. *hahaa. nevertheless, despite helping, was also being tease with this mat(sorielah if you read this-*bluekz). he always did whenever we met. never didnt. since young. since we've grown up together. hmph! even some 'makcik(s)' tease saying me and him will be together. huh? lyke wth! never. it wont lah. things never go right whenever we met each other what's more being together. ptff! push those bad luck away. touch wood.. touch wood! and guess what? all he did was stand there and smile, nodding. wth!! me? stand there, giving him that one kind look then walk away after listening to what the makcik(s) have to say. darn. what a day. even so, i had free ride on his bike. *wohoo.. miss biking. padahal baru je tau,ira. -_- just lurve SP lah. all these while i've been taking SP too. all tyme favourite. lalaaa. ADK!, cpt ambik license! leh bwk kak rounding. he offered when he overheard my mom asking me to sent some porridge to my grandma house. he offered, so why not rite? childhood friend,kay? *grin. mentel ira eh? hahaa.

monday- a day before examination. woo~ i could feel the pressure. im just home. mugging. not 100% totally but at least i did. hahaa. effort tau. mostly, just watching tv-lah. hahaa. being lazy. darn. hate it but what to do? *sigh. evening came, help mom at the kitchen cooking 'roti kirai'. yea! my all tyme favourite.except for helping and making it under the hot environment. ptff. recently, just got the erge to help out in the kitchen. hahaa. shocking but true. :) :)P.S: know what? my younger sibling, Harun Azfar, 5yrs old manage to fast full day today. yea! congrets. akak bangge ngan adk tau. puase agi nanti lau de rezeki akak upah lebih,kay. syg dier. mwah!

tuesday(yesterday)- one of my 'lepak-ing' member grandma past away today. 'innalillahirajiun.' i didnt manage to 'melawat' since im on the way school for my examination. but i did sent my regards. insyaallah, i will attend the 'tahlil' alrite. you just be strong. accept it with open hearts. ader berkatnye dier pergi pada bulan puase ni,kay. one's who live must eventually go one day. cheh! look who's talking?? *hahaa.

apparently, despite those wisdom the stranger gave to me. the stranger herself is in my shoes. feeling so lost, so demoralised, so unwanted. hope my words gives her motivation. stay strong alrite. lyke you've said. we are strong gurls remember? lyke you and i knew, it will never be easy.

NOT FORGETTING, bestie ALIF will be having his POP today. yeah! someone has grown into a man seh. sorie cant attend your function.

2008-09-06T17:00:00.002+08:00

a new chapter of life begins. without you.

had enuff. everything just have to stop. im sick and tired. i hate being lyke this. i felt so weak, felt so useless, felt so pathetic. lots of my dearest friends said its not worth it. i know. i know. even so it just seems so hard. why am i only the one who is feeling the impact? why am i still loving you? why am i still hanging on? darn! im not going to be that weak gurl that you know before. im gonna be strong and gonna face things with the right mind and truely move on. at tymes i just wonder how you could carry on with life. while im here wishing i could just take the memories, packed them and throw it away without looking back anymore. my heart still feel the pain but im letting it go slowly day by day. im pretty much hanging on. friends around have been telling me to be strong. you have succeed in ignoring me asking me to move on with my life indirectly and now im partly there. avoiding my phone does help but i cant do that totally coz' my phone never been quiet. coz' out there somewhere, somehow my friends do cares about me. so last resort, playing pretend is the best eventhough it means deceiving myself. but i've got no other choice do i? coz' whenever the phone rings, i've always hope its you. but wth! it never came true. your silents had me realise and now i no longer hope. when it rings, i kept saying to myself is just a friend asking how am i doing?, asking me out, wanting to see my smiles. and even when it's really you who did msg/call me at tymes, i cant lie, i'll surely get excited but at least its the first step of moving forward. im no longer that excited as i used to be last tyme. trust me, i know this fading smile will be gone soon. i kinda stopped shedding those tears (as least it's not all the tyme as before) coz' i've numb those feelings. im now starting to accept that you are only just a friend.

school had been alrite so far. i guess. at least im able to cope with my studies. except for the concentration part now. argh!gee. my last three class test results has been release. i pass both for BCT and AC2 quite alrite except MLP. as suspected my MLP will be that way. *sian.. proud of my AC2 combination results, hoping BCT will be the same. *praying hard it does. at least im able of coping it 'during the process' and i hope i could too when im facing it now. i know the situation is so much different and harder but i must still try dont i? i just need you to be out of my head whenever im studying. before i could really absorb all those facts. examination coming soon ira. *piang eh.ka-boomm...

cooked 'buke' for family on thursday,alrite? shocking?? but true. *hahaa. thanks to mum's help too. *maceh ibusayang. surprisingly, she let me use the whole kitchen but too bad i need her. cooked beef steak. yum-yum.

-_- ive been having craving to eat that and finally did. just got the feeling of going to the kitchen. that's why. *rajin kn? had fun cooking. its been such awhile. been a lazy girl that why. there's sure lots of fun, kecoh etc.. *hahaa.talking about fasting month, alhamdulillah my younger sibling manage to fast full day. congrets! despite the bribing part where if they fast, they will get 'ka-ching' from me and ibusyang. but still go girl power!! yeah! wani (my younger sis') manage to fullfill all the days till now while haziq (younger bro') has skipped two days. *hahaa.

had photo-taking at 8.30am on friday. imagine wearing labcoat too plus its so early in the morning-lah, my face still in the sleepy mood. *aiyo. so the tak glamor. ptff! as usual, position wise-i need to sit beside my dearest CA. *center attraction. haahaa. just lyke old secondary school tymes. wonder-wonder-wonder how the picture will turn out lyke?? -_- -_-

just being at home on saturday. even there's some friends who offered me to break-fast outside but i decline. i just didnt have the mood. donno why, dont ask. besides my mind still think im not ready for my exams. i still need to cheong. even though at tyme i feel sick looking at the same facts over and over again. *sian. i just didnt want boredom to take over this mind. how-how-how on earth am i suppose to study now, every time i did look at those notes, i get so lethargic. felt as if somethings have been missing,empty. *argh! enuff said.

life couldnt be any more mysterious and unsuspected, some how other than my friends, who's always being there. im being motivated by a stranger. who i think i know but prefered to be anonymous. i may not know what's your motive but i appreciate all those words. thanks.

im healing a broken heart.

2008-09-04T02:45:00.005+08:00

its 2am in the morning. and im still awake. shockingly. supposingly to be asleep after mugging. but maybe i guess not. just having this tiny feeling mood to blog. oh well. misses blogging and my midnites owl friends. hahaa..

talking about mugging, i did finally study. memorising was hard without my real hard disk. you know who. lyke what i said, your promises are just simply lies. i cant be there waiting and let the time pass. there's no tyme to waste, i still need to get started studying somehow. and i surely did. all topics down. im only left to really memories some real facts that really needs to be drilled in the head. *wah piang eh- wonder how many more facts my mind need to take..**smackhead.

besides, mom was shocked to see i really study. what's more to see im studying early?? hahaa. coz' i always did last minute work. 2-3days before the exams?? haahaa. my previous class test really shows me how i should be studying. keeping it that way, i think i should be able to breeze thru'. not totally but at least partly. *sigh. -_-

life goes on.. ♥

im sure feeling the pressure alrite. after all those tragedy i'm going thru' and how im facing things. *ptff! i just had enuf. enuf actually enduring to all your nonsense. and i cant handle that. instead you are making things worst than before. you only think of yourself first than anyone else. you are just too selfish. *haish, enuf said. ONLY some of us will know the real reasons to everything thats been happening. you can keep on lying and running away from facts. but till when? i still believe in Karma and Intuition. coz' it never goes wrong. (well,i had mine) thank you for hugging me and wiping away all my tears. thank you for telling me ~~you love me~~. thank you for walking away,leaving me. thank you for knocking some common sense into my head. thank you for being a part of me. i appreciate everything that you have done for me. now, all i want is to pray for forgiveness, pray for your health, pray for your happines with another. i believe there's angels out there taking good care of you. i dont know if you'll read this anymore but this heart is willing to let go but only the tyme will decide.

thanks for making me the bad guy...

(PS: i've no intention on having any grudges on anyone regarding above.if you are being hurt, then accept my forgiveness. lyke i said,its my blog and it's my say. accept it.)

despite everything said.. i cant deny that after all those playing pretend, all i see is still you. im shattered but still i didnt cry. i managed to hold back my tears, telling myself to be strong. coz' i'll be happy whenever you are. i noe at tymes i do texted you but there's no response. called but you refused to pick up. i know you are ignoring me coz' you want me to move on with my life. (eventhough initially, you are the one that ask me not to run away from you. but now its the opposite.) oh well. congrets! you've succeed. what you said are just words, even you've made me trust towards it. now, you made that feeling fade.

its gonna be hard but i'll pull through. im half way there now.

2008-09-01T16:00:00.010+08:00

i clearly know that im suppose to be mugging now. but WTH! im stuck here blogging. well, what more can i say. the computer is fairly more addicted to those lecture notes. haha. hopefully, after letting out certain things in mind would make myself more enthu' to study and able to concentrate. *ptff! NOT forgetting, chocolate as my motivation. yea, im motivated somehow..*ptff..

**i dont know why. but every single day is just hard to let my mind off you. i know i shouldn't have but its just the mind. gosh! even its not the whole day 247hrs but there will still be each day. it just seems so hard. arrgghh!! everyday, i have to put out a brave front showing that i've moved on well, enjoying my singlehood now, being happy etc.. but WTH! the fact is im still not. deep in me, everything is still back to you. ive tried cursing myself when my minds with you, tried enjoying myself with my darlings friends but im still..never!! everytime when i reach home, it's you. its lyke so auto, i tend to report my strength to you but each tyme after i wrote, i will delete it myself and not to sent. kept hoping you would msg/call someday. argh! darn. why am i facing this when i know its all fantasy.*smack head. ka-boommmm! playing pretending isnt easy.im really having a real hard tyme here. how i wish you could really see what im facing and really see those tears rolling from the eyes.'lyke people used to say, the real pain is what going thru' inside than the outside.' above all, im not blaming anyone and im not regreting things im going thru' coz i noe everthing happen for a real reason. trying to be a strong girl. :)

enuf of whining.. back to reality..
two class test down. now im left with my ONLY final examination. which happen to fall on 9sept'. argh!! 7days of count down...to ka-booom!
(really need to really 'cheong' studying,to me-im still not prepared yet.)

updates throughout the week..
26/08/08- as usual, school ends early since most of the module is done. *lalaalaa. decided to just rounding at Jurong Point since there's still lots of tyme to spare. i just hate to be home so early lah. it's just not me. while window-ing shopping had a sudden msg from my friend, Audi asking if im free to 'lepak' with them (Hasif & Farah). since im super free, i join them. he fetched me at the interchange and proceed on to the place. off eat at Macdonals, played few rounds of pool, chill, chats, laughter, did read thru' my notes *hahaa. hardworking rite?i really did. then off home at 9pm while others later. you guys just create that smile on me. thanks.

27/08/08- home early again. this time i have no plans,decided to go home straight from school. *being a good gurl. hahaa. in the later afternoon, mom suddenly asked whether want to go shopping at Jurong Point. she was also bored being at home all the time. so i agree to accompany. went NTUC bought some groceries, bought herself and myself a new shoe and had lunch cum dinner at Long John Silver before headed home. :) :) what a mummy and daughter day-out.

28/08/08- went school just for the RSAF open house thingy. after open house, went back to school for some diving meeting. talking about diving, its confirm that im going to dive at Indonesian sea for 9days. yipee! thanks for my parents for supporting me. will be going by flight to Bali on the 4oct' and sail thru' the 9 days back to S'pore. its sure gonna be interesting. had briefing from Mr Oliver and some documents to sign.

29/08/08- yeah! the day had came. its 'NGOMS' day out. that what we called ourselves (my secondary school darlinks- Mazni, Diyana, Fazeila). its really been some time since we met each other since we were being posted differently after sceondary school lyfe. really miss them lots. meet up during dinner at Causeway Seoul Garden since i've to attend some diving equiptment checking for myself earlier. really glad to meet them. had our dinner and long-long chats. talking about what's been going on each other lyfes, latest gossips updates, simply everything that we could really talk about etc.. those laugh, smile, crazy moments. gosh! really could see how each of us really change. from those tymes till now. its just so hard to explain how interesting the day was. i just miss those secondary moments with them. imy babes. reached home nearly 11pm. :)
(pictures to enjoy)

30/08/08- meet up with my 'mat rempit'. its really been awhile since last met. busy-busy..what more to expect. *hahaa. since i've got no plans and he offered me out. why not rite? friends.. he fetched me at 10.30am under my void deck and off rounding around s'pore. meet the others too. chill, chats, enjoy whats going on in lyfe. had lunch then he dropped me off at Harbourfront since i'm meeting my other diver's heros. supposing to meet Mazni after that but due to some occasion, not. so decided maybe i should just go home after everything done. meet my diver's heros (Mr Oliver, Aidil & Ben) at the control station before proceed on to our destination-Sentosa Cove. that's the place where we will be at arriving after diving. gosh! being with them was just fun as well as irritating. what im irritated most was they kept saying that i'm just lyke one of those 'tai-tai' rich gurl with 2 bodyguard and a photographer. just bcoz' of the way i dress. *'wah-piang.' everything do take some tyme, suddenly my 'mat rempit'. msg and asked whether im done. i was lyke 'huh' thought he went off with the other. but instead he still waits and didnt join the rest. after everything, i went back to the place where he dropped me. asking where were we going next. he replies back 'anywhere, will not be joining the rest'. i was lyke 'okie..' he brought me to Secret Recepie for our dinner then off to watch the opening Ramadhan lighting and chill at Esplanande. those laugh, chats and crazyness all the way. sent me back home around 10pm.
PS: still remember him saying this-'glad to see i've change but always pretty and cute in my own way. changing those ways of mine but my real identity remains. *he smile and touch my nose with that cute smile.' *hahaa. what a day :)

01/09/08- yeah! fasting month here. its the month of pure-ness.
to all my muslim friends.. SELAMAT BERPUASE!

to whoever been reading my blog.(you know yourself)
*you- this is my blog. i have my own rights to write whatever that been going thru' in my lyfe. if you are not happy with it and think that whatver i wrote here are lies, that's your own preception. i dont have to make up stories to ruin/crush somebody life. it's base on what i've been going thru' and what i really think and feels. its really up to you to really believe who is at the right state. i dont keep grauges to anyone. i face the fact that whatever that im going thru'. if you can't take it, then leave. i dont need readers lyke you.
*you- doesnt mean i kept shut of things, you can have it in your own way. im allowing you to have your tyme to really think what's best. dont wait till the other party to really come after me cursing me hell. if that were really to happen, then i guess i'll have to stand on my rights. i will not just sit there to hear and see my dignity falls. patience to have its own limits. furthermore, you have to face the real fact..
PS: to whoever that need clarification on stuff(s), you can just message/call me directly. dont have to tag and at the same tyme 'bringing another party that knows the matter' to answer the questions for you..

you see me smile on the outside. in me,im suffering!